coparenting plus

we’ve entered a new phase of life. dada has a girlfriend.

i don’t know where to begin and how much is too much. this is the internet and all. but i feel the need to continue to let my thoughts flow out of me where i can see them and know they are not scary or dangerous or even, really, real.

actually, i think “it’s all good” might be close to the truth. in spite of the fact that there have been a series of occurrences in the past week that have essentially taken my breath away, and nearly took some lives in the process, i think everyone is coming through this. (the lives of his new girlfriend’s dad, and my own dad, have both been in serious danger in the past week, but everyone seems to be coming through relatively unscathed. in addition, gf’s situation is eerily close to home for me, mirroring what i experienced 3 years ago leaving an abusive relationship in an uncanny way. also, i have heard some acknowledgements from coparent towards me this past week that i had let go of ever expecting to hear. also, apparently i am feeling very, very lonely. and also a bit unnerved by the realization that i stubbornly wasn’t going to “go first” and wasn’t admitting that to myself until now. also, migraines are so not fun.)

i like her. for the record, i really truly do find a lot to like about this woman, and her family, several of whom i am already friends with (her dad being one of them, and i sure am happy he came through heart surgery and i will get to play creedence and johnny cash songs with him again.) her two kids are sweet.

i wish them bliss. i really do. it might seem too early to say something like that, but i see something there, and nothing is ever sure, but i see something. a good something.

there have been some awkward moments, i’m not going to lie. i am getting some great opportunities to make sure i am speaking up with my needs and quinn’s needs, and i think i am rising to that occasion.

i love her intentions for how we are going to get along. they seem to really match my own intentions. i am impressed by coparent’s intentions for prioritizing coparenting over everything else. i want this to be good. and they really seem to agree. by good i mean, we aren’t doing this the way it’s been done before. we are writing a new manual for the way we are choosing to coparent.



11 comments to coparenting plus

  • Oh wow. That must be hard. You are moving through this with such grace. I am just floored. I would be a modern day Medea, tearing out my hair. Hugs to you and Quinn!


    • marybethrew

      i think "floored" aptly describes my state at several points during the last week, don't get me wrong. πŸ™‚ part of what is so good though is that her boundaries seem sound as far as where i am quinn's mama and she is dada's gf… as in, i don't feel threatened in that way… also i recall medea driving around her chariot using her children as mudflaps, and that is not something i am relating to right now… πŸ˜‰ but the migraines are telling… i am at least in parts of my body floored by some of this.

  • Lb

    Definitely a difficult one to navigate- i'm sure its hard to rifle through advice on this one- every family situation is different. Is Pa Rew ok??

  • Oh, that's BIG, but I love your approach and I'm pleased to hear that everybody has their priorities in the right place. I'm impressed by your calm. It would take me quite a while to find mine.
    tinsenpup recently posted..{this moment} – Dressing Up

  • Hoo boy. Big, big stuff. I am heartened by the fact that you like her and her intentions. I know people who are dealing with very different opinions of "the girlfriend," (who lets the kid watch violent movies while eating blue donuts for breakfast). There is so much space for letting go and growth in these sorts of relationships. I wish you well. And I especially wish for the migraines to stop. XO
    6512 and growing recently

  • ME

    Hugs! Step-parent-type situations are so hard. Glad my other dad is ok!! What happened? Was the accident here? Medea mud flaps…hee hee…good memories. πŸ™‚

    • marybethrew

      haha, oh i had no idea any of my fellow enriched english classmates would read that comment. πŸ™‚ the accident was right near tim and natalie's house i think. i don't know for sure, but yes in cortland. the other driver was at fault (not that you wondered, my dad has the squeakiest clean driving record around). i know you can relate to the coparent/stepparent stuff, it's definitely tricky. hugs back to you. πŸ™‚

  • ah mary beth, even if it is "all good", a new addition to the coparenting mix is enough to blow your mind. migraines indeed! i'm so glad that 1. she has good boundaries and that 2. her ideas re: coparenting are in alignment with yours. that is encouraging. we are in a coparenting situation with my partner's son, and it is fraught with difficulty, particularly pertaining to the lack of good boundaries on the other mama's part. if you ever want to bend my ear with some of those darker fears, you have an empathic listener.

    and i do hope you feel better. yarrow tincture works wonders for me when i get migraines. xoxo
    mary recently posted..Tipping the Scale

  • mb–

    First, sorry about the migraines, you know I know about that.

    Second, you are one strong woman! I can't imagine.

    Teresa recently posted..Goodbye Steve…

  • […] private criticism, and because this is a blog about me and not her, i have not mentioned her since she arrived on the scene in our lives, when i believe i gave her ample benefit of the doubt, but i feel i would be remiss if […]

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