i’m sure you’re not supposed to post it on your blog if you have a crush on somebody… (what if he googles me? hahaha.)
most of the time i find that yoga class is a good place for me to go to quiet down my brain, which is often on runaway train mode. but sunday morning i woke up before 5 and did some yoga at home, because… well, right now, being in yoga class is even more distracting than normal day to day life. and i figured some woodstove salutations would be better use of my time than practicing my asking-out speech in the bathroom mirror some more. this might be good for me, in the sense of stoking up my home practice (which has been practically non-existent).
my yoga teacher, who is all about kula (community) and just about every time we have class, has a birthday or sympathy card out for us to sign for someone in the community… well, she seems to be picking up on some sort of energy and doing her part to help it along (seriously folks, she assigned us to give our partners back rubs. if that doesn’t build “community”, i don’t know what does). in fact, the more i blab on and on to everyone i know (and the entire internet) about having this crush on this guy, the more surrounded and supported and cheered on and buoyed up i feel by my friends, my community. they are ready to drop everything and do reconnaissance work for me, pray for me, or do other magical things that i can only wonder at. i can’t help but feel that there is something good coming. often i’ve gone into crushes/dating with the sense of feeling not loved enough, and like this next thing is going to be what fills me up with the lacking love. but right now i feel incredibly loved! and thinking maybe all this love and support bodes well.
maybe this person will not turn out to be right for me, and since i’m allowing myself to be very hopeful… that might suck. i feel strong.
i really don’t have time for a relationship, and right now, i don’t care. giddiness is so much more fun than worrying about silly things like time.
i’ve decided i can’t really get behind the feeling of embarrassment anymore. worst case scenario: he says no and we continue having to be in class together… um, but who doesn’t like to be asked out? even if he thinks i’m gross, i’m still thinking he is cool, and that would be embarrassing… why, exactly? i am so not embarrassed that i just told you i have been talking to a mirror.
i even moved my mat. unprecedented in the history of human behavior. hear that, universe?
after writing the first half of this post, i went home yesterday and got my laundry together and hit the laundromat. and in true small town form… guess who else does their laundry on mondays? (sing with me: it’s a small town, after all….) seriously. and he was chatting with yet another hippie we apparently know in common. we were like a waldorf convention promoting monday as washing day.
and that is why i’m clicking publish on this post, dammit. i wore earrings to do laundry. i think my frequency of showering might even have taken a slight upturn! and for reasons i cannot begin to understand, i have a clean stovetop. i wore earrings all day in fact, knowing full well i would probably not be seeing this person again until thursday, at class, when i will not be wearing any jewelry. after i bumped into him at the ‘mat (hardy-har), friends nodded (via text, god bless it for times like these) and laughed and said things like “that figures. law of attraction at work” and even my mom said she and her ladies had just gotten done praying for me so “that sounds about right.” (everybody wave to mom, she is now following my blog via email! yay!)
so i figured i’d get some more ladies on the job of putting the good energy out there into the universe, my blog ladies whom i love dearly… and my blog guys (don’t think i don’t know you’re there, cj and tim… unless you skip over the mushy posts, and i wouldn’t blame you if you do!) and with that, i will go and hang up my chest waders to drip dry, as i’ve spent the better part of today hiking upstream counting and measuring hundreds of recently-spawned adult salmon… i think there might be a metaphor in there somewhere too, but i can’t think what it might be. 😉 if the spirit animal theme for this post is salmon, then the gemstone must be the lapis lazuli in my earrings, which google tells me is essentially good for, “blah blah blah true love blah.”