2012; whole lotta love

my word for 2012 is whole. the nice thing about wholeness is that it doesn’t end when this year fades into the next; if anything it just gets better with age. i didn’t actually write much specifically about my word for the year, but on the other hand, i was writing about it every time i posted about the day to day tidbits of our lives, the tiny steps towards becoming more whole. as i look back over the course of the year i have the impression that the compartmentalized parts of me have come out of their boxes and woven themselves into something more cohesive and i have become more fully myself. the actual journey has, at times, such as the month of february, left me shattered into pieces… the exact opposite of whole. except that because of being whole, i was able to overcome the shattered moments. in the past there have been times when devastating things have left me fragmented and unable to find my center. devastating things will still always be devastating, and believe me i don’t want to sound like i’m challenging the universe to come up with more devastating stuff to try to test my wholeness theory. all i’m saying is i feel like a more solid individual after the year that i have just lived. i feel like i have withstood a lot of tests of my character and come through intact and maybe even a little stronger for it, maybe even with a gray hair or two, like little silver threads of courage. and i feel like i have been wrapped in a blanket of love, and positively surrounded by a sense of my own okayness. something i wish i could do for myself is to say “i’m okay” and fully believe it, but there is something about hearing it from someone who loves me so completely that crystallizes it for me in a way i could never duplicate in my own self pep talks.

but enough philosophizing. here’s what we did all week:


our young pancakes had a great week spending holiday time together. quinn has yet to finish opening presents – i think he’s down to the last three. young b pancake enjoyed her wooden rainbow puzzle and wooden fruit (you know the kind that velcro together so you can slice them apart?) and only threw them at people a few times. there was a crowd and a 15 pound turkey raised by my local farm friends and another all-you-can-eat dessert bar (like thanksgiving, only more cookies than pies this time) and a baby to snuggle and a screaming toddler trip down the shark tunnel at the aquarium and just good family fun.

lego boy was pleased with his lego presents, and actually all of his presents- i was delighted with his manners. and he easily garnered the help of the elder star wars fan on putting together the ewok set. then he set to work building hagrid’s hut. he also sported his new yoda watch:

it was decidedly not a zero landfill christmas, like we achieved last year, and i really didn’t feel too many qualms about that. most of what we gave each other was fairly conscious, many of the gifts were either handmade by us or by someone who can really use the support. my sister in law got us all hooked up with beautiful fair trade items from trades of hope, which helps empower disadvantaged women worldwide. my mom and i collaborated on an imagination mat/farm animal set (she sewed, i painted and finished the wood figures) for quinn and for my two nephews. yes, we had some bubble wrap and some packaging to dispose of, but i still think we did well. much of our giftwrap was reused if it wasn’t a cloth bag, so that helped quite a bit.

(yoda has laid down his plastic light sabre and fallen asleep in the sunflower field.)

quinn got a lesson in how to play solitaire on the computer from rich’s mom, and has also been adopting some new expressions. one of the cute quinn traits that is on the maybe-borderline-asperger’s list is his literal interpretation of funny expressions. like when rich suggested that the quesadilla he had inhaled had “hit the spot”, it gave quinn the giggles. during the solitaire game, rich’s mom cheered him on saying “now you’re cooking with gas.” i heard him then repeat it several times during that game session, and then when he was building lego ewok habitat with rich on christmas morning i listened in. each time they’d note they had now reached step (5, 9, 16, 34) he’d exclaim some version of:

now we’re cruising with gas!

now we’re chugging with gas!

signing off for the year, whole and accounted for and ready to chug into the new year. may it be a peaceful, happy, loving year for all!


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