thinking of the concept of non-hoarding, one of the things i have noticed is that those of us who have a tendency towards hoarding are also those who have at times felt a sense of lacking. i have been fortunate all my life to have all the basics covered- i have never gone hungry or been without shelter or clothing, but often the food has been rice and beans, the clothing has always been second hand, and there has been little money to spare at the end of a pay cycle. in my mind, these don’t even qualify as problems, and i’ve never felt needy, but i think on some level a person can look around at all the excess, the new shiny things all around us in our culture, and become a bit programmed to understand our own situation as “less than”. something in our soul can interpret that as needing to hold onto things, needing to grasp because one never knows if there will be another opportunity to have more.
i’ve also noticed that when i am content with what i have, and feeling that what i have is an abundance, more abundance seems to flow from that place of contentment. if i am instead oriented in a not enough mentality, i tend to just get by. it’s basic law of attraction at work, you get more of what you focus on. one of the ways i make use of this blog space is to remind myself of everything i have been given, all the abundance of not only the basic life necessities but also the extra goodies. almost every post is categorized under “abundance” and “gratitude” and i use those tags whenever i can read back over a post and feel truthfully that i have been blessed with so much, and that seems to happen even when i am posting about something tough. it’s one reason i keep that tag cloud over in my sidebar, cliche as it may be; if i keep feeling how abundant life has been and tagging abundance each time i write about this abundant life, the word itself grows larger and i like that visual reminder.
gratitude is another angle, and i have definitely made use of that category and tag in my blogging in the same way. when i adopt an attitude of gratitude, it seems that abundance follows, and more to be grateful for comes along.
it is true that there are times when i sit down to write, when the things i seem to have in abundance are coparenting struggles and mountains of dirty dishes to wash. but somehow, it seems to happen routinely that even when i am posting about some of those daily struggles, i come to the end of the post and i find i still have so much to be thankful for, i still have been given so much. i still have the best little boy child in the world, whose love makes me glow. i still have the most supportive loving man in the world, a miracle i am still not sure how i was lucky enough to receive. i still live in the most beautiful bioregion in the world, surrounded by natural beauty, close to my beloved ocean and nestled among the big trees. i am warm, fed, healthy, my needs are covered. i have my gardens, my sewing machines, my yoga, my writing. i have so much.
it comes down to making a choice in how our hearts are oriented. i can live day to day, defended against further attacks from a hostile coparent. i can live looking for pity and leaving more drama in my wake. i can retaliate, i can bear a grudge, i can refuse to forgive, i can choose bitterness. i can even plague myself knowing that others have it much worse- i may have a struggle or two, but it’s not like rwanda here. and that guilt/shame cycle can send me spiraling downward, if i choose.
or there is another way i can orient my heart. i can choose to center myself in integrity, and reserve my energy for my loves and my pursuits. i can choose to realize how abundant this life full of miracles is, and i can revel in the amazing process of living this life and watching more miracles unfold. i can relax into this life, knowing i am taken care of, trusting in the abundance that is already on its way. simply put, i can choose happiness.