team quinn

all in all, i think team quinn prevailed on wednesday. but i really think it would be great if all of the 20 or so people who were in that conference room on wednesday would join team quinn.

i am still trying to process what went on at this two hour meeting, which was called, it was stated, in order to “review quinn’s case plan” (whatever that is) even though part of me would rather be focusing on:

this last day of quinn being five

this day also marking 14 months of loving my man

celebrating quinn’s first tender weeks of reading his bob books

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(catapult research underway)

still, i can honestly say there was potential good that may come of this meeting, even though it was tremendously arduous. once we got past the typed up lists from the other team, detailing their many bits of so-called evidence of me being a poor parent, once we got past the last ditch attempt of my coparent to dredge things from before quinn was even born in an attempt to garner support for his desire to have our dhs case delved into all over again (i took the high road and announced to the room that unless they wanted to hear a rebuttal, or a list of things my coparent did years ago that might cast him in a poor light, i would focus instead on quinn’s needs since it was my impression that was why we were all in that room), once we got past his therapist directly confronting me that i need to start working as hard on myself as quinn’s dad is working on himself, which was the one moment i did defend myself and confront her back on the fact that she knows absolutely nothing about my therapy history or how much work i have or have not been doing…

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there was some apparent agreement, at least on the surface, about a few things having to do with quinn. topping the list is that everyone seems to agree that transitions are a sensitive time for quinn, and our parenting schedule was brought up. we have roughly a 2 day/2 day/3 day rotating schedule with almost as much time spent at coparent’s house as he spends at mine, and it was generally murmured that it seemed like it might keep him in a constant state of transition. while i agree with that, i also don’t think quinn is ready to be away from me for more than 3 days at a time. i also feel the awareness of quinn’s transition sensitivity makes it seem absurd that my coparent would want to drop quinn immediately in public school. (let’s do transitions twice a day instead of every other day!) our attempt at schooling (without parental support along for the ride) seems to me to have shown us that quinn might need a much more gradual transition to schooling away from a parent, and that he could also use a bit of extra support from a parent while he is making that transition, to help him navigate the social interactions.

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some of the discussion focused on quinn’s teacher’s observations of (potentially) mild asperger’s characteristics in quinn, and what might be done in order to obtain funding to have an evaluation done using his state health insurance. the jury is out on whether we will be granted such funding, but we did learn that it is not out of the question, though it is a very recent thing and hasn’t been done more than a handful of times. it may not happen, if our current counselor does not feel there is a clinical need for this assessment, but at least it is on the table.

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(birthday eve apple pie to share with friends)

his counselor spoke, describing quinn as extremely bright, using the example of his fine motor coordination being on a fifth grade level. she has noticed he is not always aware of the space he is occupying with respect to other people around him, and that sometimes he seems to be deep in his head and takes a while to answer questions. another positive step that has been taken (that i initiated a few weeks ago) is that his counselor has spoken with his teacher, and so i think at least she now has a better understanding of why an evaluation was something we wanted to consider. if nothing else, she put together that the behavior quinn was exhibiting at school that was problematic was more than once following an attempt on his part to gain a teacher’s attention and having to wait his turn. she could see why this would make sense, given he has always had mostly undivided attention from one of his parents at any given time.

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it was not lost on anyone in the room that the best thing for quinn overall would be his parents having a better working relationship. there may be joint visits to the counselor in the next little while, something i cannot say i look forward to, but am open to trying.

i got two phone calls that evening, both letting me know i had handled myself very well, which was extremely validating, since that had been a concern going into the meeting. the first was from our child psych, the one who had called me to let me know about the meeting in the first place. the second call was from our case worker, who assured me the case is being closed out as unfounded, and that nothing said today changed her mind in any way. she said she had felt the need to call because even she felt uncomfortable in the room, and she said she couldn’t imagine how i must have felt. i thought it was a really nice gesture.

that afternoon, i went and met the little boy i am going to start nannying for soon. which is an odd juxtaposition, i guess, if you think about it. then yesterday i taught my first “all levels” yoga class all the way through (so far i have just been teaching the beginner class and segments of the all levels class) and i ended the class on this note:

this being human is a guest house.

every morning a new arrival.

a joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

welcome and entertain them all!

even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

he may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

the dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

~rumi, the guest house

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