a gentle indian summer exhales its smoky spiced cider breath easterly across this season of harvest. meanwhile, i experience the ebb of summer as a riptide so rapid that it threatens to pull me under. tumbled around and pummeled by a tempest of tasks, toppling piles of things, trips to take, transitions to tackle. a rather nontrivial transition in lab jobs upended my thought patterns for months, and then it was time to transition my tween into his new life as a middle schooler. somewhere in the middle of all that, oklahoma! forget self care september, i blinked at the end of august and it was october. i arrive on the threshold of this seasonal shift with additional vitamins in the arsenal, and a st. john’s wort tincture steeping on my counter. a friend posted something to the effect of, “if your own body doesn’t make enough neurotransmitters, store bought is fine.” i like that validation of appropriate use of pharmaceutical antidepressants, because there absolutely is a time and a place, and one wrestles unnecessarily with not wanting to depend on something outside of oneself. at this time and place, i conclude that a little help with inhibiting neurotransmitter reuptake is wise, and i’m going with nature-made, in hopes that some preventive care will help me achieve a better balance.


i know i am a step ahead of the game to be able to make this conscious choice. lately reflecting on aging and memory loss, the topic of neural connections has been salient for me; i recognize that if ever the clockwork of memory starts winding backwards, the neural grooves in which i dwell most now could be the ones i revisit. if i pay rapt attention to my family and delight in my daily routine, these are the patterns i reinforce in my neural firings; if i drag myself through a perceived grind with aversion and resentment the emotional backdrop of my days, these could be the negative default mode to which i someday succumb. (which reminds me to see also: surrender)

today i draw a line in the sand (figuratively but also literally, on the beach). i make a choice and state my intention to the universe to move forward placing my attention on healthy thought patterns to the best of my ability. i leave behind on the other side of the line, and release into the ocean, the tangle of thought patterns, resentments, fears, insecurities that hinder my wellbeing; something i have done before, and will need to do again. i let the ocean wash them away, and even the line, leaving behind a wide canvas of clean sand promising of renewal. the spiral begins again.

3 comments to riptide

  • Camp boss\ wedding boss

    Yes!!! Life is always moving, sometimes we can go with it and other times the current seems ever changing pushing and pulling in different directions at the same time. I guess the beauty of the cycle is that it is ever changing….if we can not just endure but rest through the dark, rainy, grey winter times it won’t be long and the colorful, busyness and sunshine of summer will back again. And some extra vitamins and iron never hurt!! 😉

  • “a gentle indian summer exhales its smoky spiced cider breath easterly across this season of harvest.” Wow! nuff said.

    Love your thoughts on memory and focusing on the present to look back on one day and enjoy again. What a great thought and another good reason to make the present the best we can. Even in the riptide.

    And your spider web over the flowers photo is breathtaking.

  • oh mary beth! this is beautifully written, and those pictures! stunning! i especially love the way that you described your line in the sand. what a beautiful idea.

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