the sideburns have been tampered with

it took me a whole week to notice that my favorite sideburns have been tampered with for the good of community theatre. at first i was shocked, i mean i have not exactly made it a secret that i like looking at my fellow, and that i think he has a handsome face, where his handsome sideburns live. after a moment’s consideration, however, it’s not that surprising it took me this long, since rich is gone all day for work and all evening for rehearsal and we catch each other maybe once a week in that in-between-work-and-rehearsal space of time for a slice of pizza. i was sitting in his truck yesterday at the laundromat, and finally looked sideways at him while he wasn’t looking at me and caught the profile. something amiss! it’s ok, he will put them back after the show, in which he is a navy commander in south pacific. believe me, i have made bigger sacrifices in the name of community theatre, like another woman’s name tattooed on his arm in sharpie. good old eileen.

no wonder rich asked me so many times in a row on sunday if i was sure i was paying attention, when during pancakes he turned up the volume on eric clapton covering “our love is here to stay” and i hadn’t made enough noise about how cute he was for his romantic deejay thing that he does (and still hadn’t noticed his diminished sideburns). which is because when i do say something about the deejay thing, he tries to deny it. you can spook it, you know, if you smile too big while looking directly at it. so sometimes i just shut up and enjoy it. “our love is here to stay ~ not for a year ~ but ever and a day…together we’re going a long, long way.” not directed at anyone of course, just turned up loud on the stereo for, you know, no good reason.

so there is paying attention, and then there is paying attention. i plead “the lights are always off when we are in the same room” on this one.

quinn is newly in love with calvin and hobbes, specifically spaceman spiff calvin, and i, fittingly, have been feeling like a giant naggon (calvin’s name for parent space monsters), or at least, somewhat of a nag. i think every mama must feel that at times- my own voice starts to annoy me, repeating things i want him to do or not do or do a different way, and wishing it was not the sound he was having to listen to. but also wishing we were on the same page about things like getting our boots on.

i will have to remember to call them spaceman spiff boots, and hurry us off to space in a rocket car next time.

this beach log, if you look closely, shows one trunk that was subsumed into the larger trunk. it just got swallowed up until it wasn’t itself anymore. motherhood came to mind right away, though i am not sure which of us is the inner trunk and which one the outer in our symbiosis. nor do i know what to make of this metaphor, other than it’s different, being a mama. being hit pulled yanked spoken to while i’m on the phone ignored when i ask to put down the phone and do something else besides angry birds star wars so i won’t feel like a lousy parent who lets her child have too much screen time. so much to attend to that is outside myself, which in turn teaches me so much about myself.

i asked quinn for a suggestion of how much screen time would be good, thinking he would suggest 7 hours and we’d have to haggle it down to my (in my head) acceptable maximum of one hour. but he said, “10 minutes, no 20 minutes!” so i got to act like i was all generous and said let’s say 30, and you can split it up between angry birds and penguins however you want.

because i was noticing it was becoming harder for him to pull away from it, the longer he was on it; that he had less attention for things i was saying the longer he was on it; that i want us to hang out more than i want him hanging out with a screen.

easter brought removable bed-decorating stickers. actually, enough for both the side of the bed and the side of the shelf, so we separated them into jurassic and cretaceous, naturally. this was his idea, and although i would have been happy to just stick them up anywhere, his way meant we opened up reference books and unintentionally did some learning in the process.

it’s a hustling bustling time right now. pancakes are coming to visit, and earth huggy diapers are traveling all around the world to south australia, slovenia, and sweden. meanwhile, my nanny work has expanded as has my blog gatekeeper work. all going according to plan, and while it can be overwhelming, it is appropriately so, in a way that doesn’t hurt like overwhelm can. sunshine and digging in the soil and blooming shrubs also ease the overwhelm ever so well. oh, and love songs not necessarily aimed at anyone in particular on a sunday morning.