~summer shorts~ circle geometry

Posted on June 27, 2019 by marybethrew

The circle of life encompasses all, yet sometimes seems to have a frustratingly small diameter. Walking towards the Chelsea Rose to buy some salmon, my eyes glanced at each plaque lining the bay front, those on the many benches donated in memoriam, as well as the tiles cemented into the sidewalk, defiant attempts at permanence in the face of so much that is fleeting. Many of these engraved names, these painfully abbreviated circumferences, are now familiar to me, not just from walking these blocks, but from hearing them spoken by the voices of many friends or family members i have come to know, who loved and lost the men bearing these names to the sea.

I watched the vividly coral-colored meat parting from the bones willingly and swiftly, the recently living swimmer who would nourish our bodies that night smothered in butter and fresh herbs, and I pondered the difficult geometry of mortality. A floating rectangle beneath me swayed gently, seagulls plunged past on arcs of summer breeze, snatching scraps washed from the working fishing boats docked on this bright monday. Diesel engines and fish processing plants of the town i call home laid a familiar background scent-scape i scarcely registered.

At the beach with my parents an hour earlier, i had picked up a tiny sand dollar, mostly intact, and handed it to my mom. She took a closer look before putting it into her pocket like humans since the beginning of time have known to do, as though bringing back essential minerals within the shell to sustain life ashore. As though. A circle of a shell, remnant of a living being. Its five petals radiating from the center reminded me of the vibrant five-petaled impatiens I had planted before mom’s visit, knowing she always saw their five petals as representing our five-person nuclear family. This floral impression etched in a now-vacant vessel. It crossed my mind how a sand dollar is a little bit reminiscent of the shape of a breast. Life-giving circle. Mostly intact. Flowers, shells, breasts, all fulfill their roles in nature, and yet all are so ephemeral.

Mom recalled visits to jones beach with aunt margie and uncle george, or to oyster bay. She also remembered going to rockaway beach with her mom and dad, “because you could get there by train.” “my earliest memories….” she trailed off, reliving the beaches of New York, where she was taken from the time she was no more than a year old.

Then i was the baby in the memory. “i remember standing in the ocean holding you when you were three months old and telling you, ‘this is a very special place.’ That the water felt cold on my toes but the air was clean and lovely to breathe, that the sound of the water and the birds was so beautiful. I never imagined you would end up living here and all the ocean-related things you would end up doing.”

Then nobody was a baby anymore and we were here, now, 70 and 41, farther around the circle than it seemed like we should be, but sitting side by side on a sunny, deserted beach on a monday gazing at the pacific ocean, its horizon a circle whose extent we could never hope to measure. But we have learned to trust that its diameter is exactly the right length.

non-attachment for attachment parents

Posted on May 21, 2012 by marybethrew

i don’t wanna strive for nothin’ anymore

i just wanna lie here with you

keep the wolves outside the door.

~ani difranco

photo by quinn

when my coparent took my boy away for 22 days, there was a lot of letting go i had to do. when i learned afterwards that he had given him his first ever vaccine, i had to let it go. when my lawyer suggested i forge ahead and get quinn “up to date” on vaccines “needed for school” (because no matter how much it is within my rights to not put that stuff in my baby’s body, or send him to school, a conservative judge may not see it that way, and against my wishes there is a judge in my life), i took the initiative, made an appointment for a wednesday at 9 am, letting go of a lot more. at 8:55 on wednesday my phone received the text my coparent had sent the night before, telling me he had changed the appointment to thursday at 11, when he would be with him. (imagine the sound of cortisol exploding into and roaring through my bloodstream.) and i had to let it go, and let him call the shots on this shot, too. but boy oh boy did i feel myself grasping at this one, visiting such places near the end of the spectrum towards outrage and indignation. pretty much, just plain pissed. the night before i was supposed to take quinn to the doctor, i had told him what was coming up in the morning, and he shook his head in his carseat and muttered, “what a pain in the ass.” sometimes you need a strong word. i validated him on that. (or maybe he validated me?)

when i lay in savasana at the end of a yoga class, my teacher often recites a prayer for peace, may all beings be free from suffering, and not just that but also the root of suffering. she doesn’t come right out and say it every time, but i have heard that the root of suffering is attachment. attachment is such a loaded term. we al-anons are always meditating on the suffering brought by attachment. let go. detach with love. call it a slogan or call it a mantra, we’re just trying to stop the suffering. then there is another circle of people who think a lot about attachment, we even call ourselves by that name. attachment parents are doing everything they can to nurture their attachment bond with their babies (for it is parenting babies that springboards many of us into the ap realm) hoping that a strong enough attachment will form between them and their baby, in order to protect said baby from… well, suffering, both as children and later in life. the science of attachment is well understood, when it comes to the bonds (or lack thereof) between children and parents. a strong attachment ensures so many good things for the child, while broken attachments are at the root of a smorgasbord of psychological disorders, and, you guessed it, suffering.

so we attachment parents spend our time babywearing, breastfeeding, and co-sleeping with our babies to facilitate even more breastfeeding, and generally obsessing over parenting behaviors that we should/have to adopt to further reinforce our child’s attachment to us. our child learns that he is worthy of having his needs listened to and met promptly, that she can communicate those needs and be understood, that her caregivers are responsive and loving and welcoming and nurturing, that he is safe and loved. even if none of the stuff about attachment babies scoring higher on the SATs and being more independent as older children and adults were true (and we lack long-term double-blind studies on this, to be sure), i would still want those messages communicated to my child: you are worthy, your needs are important to me, you mean enough to me to put myself on hold while i take care of that need for you.

i’ve tried to maintain a focus on attachment beyond the baby years, though i perceive many people making a more or less abrupt transition out of attachment parenting once “baby” becomes “toddler”. that is when the parenting literature on my bookshelf transitioned from the sears baby book to stuff about nonviolent communication, consensual parenting, unconditional parenting, and all kinds of other labels. “connect before correct” is a concept i like to stay mindful of, because i do think the attachment bond is still of utmost importance for quinn’s and my relationship. i noticed something around that transitional time. as a group consciousness, we attachmentish-unconditionalish mamas started realizing that attachment parenting, as it is currently portrayed, can be yet another yoke around our necks, something else we hold ourselves down with, beleaguer ourselves with the shoulds and have-to’s of, and berate ourselves for achieving in a less-than-perfect manner measuring ourselves by the yardsticks of others we have deemed “better” at attachment parenting than we are. attachment parenting can be just another form of tyranny we commit on ourselves, though we begin with the best intentions. or we may berate each other over the nuts and bolts of ap, bashing those who gave up on breastfeeding or, even if we are trying to be kind, offering unasked-for advice about how we think others should be attaching to their babies. i can remember a very good mama friend of mine coming to the conclusion, after four years of breastfeeding and even advocating for breastfeeding, that she no longer thought it mattered one bit if a mama breastfed her baby, in terms of that baby being attached or not- it was not about the nuts and bolts, though those behaviors can and do help reinforce connection, they are not in themselves going to get you there, and you can get there without them, as any adoptive, bottle-feeding attachment parent knows.

attachment parenting can be just another philosophy we get attached to, and we can lose ourselves in the process just as easily as we can in so many other should/have to areas of our lives. we may have our babies securely strapped to ourselves, but what are we ourselves tethered to? we want them to have a strong attachment now as babies, so they will be able to stand on their own later on. but can we stand on our own? are we a good example of being solid and secure in ourselves, or are we striving constantly to be good enough, to win someone else’s approval, to do attachment parenting well enough, to get somewhere that isn’t where we happen to already be?

at the beginning of my yoga class the day of the second vaccine, i realized i would have a hard time not levitating off the floor with agitation from what had gone on previously during the day, and i immediately began chanting in my head, “breathing in i calm my body, breathing out i smile, dwelling in the present moment, i know this is a wonderful moment,” a mantra by thich nath hanh that i learned from a dear mama friend and also hear quite often from my yoga instructor. i should be the one to take care of quinn’s health. ok shhh… breathing in… but i have to have control of this. breathing out…

it’s not only yogic teachings telling me to unattach myself from outcomes. what came to mind early on in the custody ordeal is the story of solomon deciding which woman was the rightful mother of the child. the story, in case you don’t recall it like the back of your hand as i did (interesting how the things that come to mind in times of crisis can be those from our early childhood memories of, say, sunday school), takes place between two women- one of the women has recently lost her own baby, and stole another woman’s baby out of her bed in the night. when accused, both women were brought before solomon. he declared that the child should be cut in half so that each woman could have an equal share. the woman who stole the child agreed, if she couldn’t have him, then neither should have him. the true mother, of course, would rather have her child remain alive and lose him to herself, than to let this slaying happen, and surrendered the child. and thus solomon resolved the dispute and revealed the true mother. in letting go, the true mother showed how clearly she was attached to this child- a bond that cannot be severed by theft or even by death (must have been all that co-sleeping and babywearing and breastfeeding in biblical times). that child would always be hers, no matter what anyone thought or did.

i don’t have to slice up the doctor’s appointments into equal shares for myself in order to share a strong bond with quinn. i don’t have to own his health. i don’t have to be in charge. i don’t have to retaliate and try to take his father’s parenting time away (i have heard this question more times than i can count). i don’t have to get even. i don’t have to be the one to pick out the frames of his new eyeglasses. i don’t have to convince anyone i am in the right. i know who i am. and it will ultimately be up to my son to decide who he thinks i am. thinking of who he will be by the time he may one day read this or ask me about this time in our lives keeps me motivated to have integrity. the truth i want him to take away from this time is that i did nothing to hinder the flow of love- from me to him, or from him to either of his parents or any of his loved ones. i was here to increase the flow of love. i was not here to be in control. i was here letting go, finding it to be the best way to really nurture my connection with him. (this does not mean i will stop valuing my own opinion of how quinn’s life goes, i will certainly still be involving myself in his health and schooling as much as possible, but it is not about gaining control.)

i am seeing a place for non-attachment in attachment parenting. in fact, i am seeing how it perfectly complements the attachment bond.

i began writing this before the provocative time magazine cover portrayal of an “extended” breastfeeding mama and her son, and it occurred to me that the topic of are you mom enough? was very much tied into what i was exploring here in this post. not to mention the article focused on dr. sears, the founder of attachment parenting. and yes, i did intend to put quotes around the word extended just now, because what is extended to one person is normal to another. and therein lies the problem: we are all still sitting around comparing ourselves to one another, like there is some sort of average we are all supposed to be striving for. we are still taking the bait of a media stunt to pit mothers against mothers, and coming out in force to pour on the hate. why can we not see our diversity and celebrate that, rather than pick ourselves and others apart through comparison? are you mom enough? really caught that whole notion in a soundbyte- i only wish time had intended irony, and that they had been suggesting that we all strive for (instead of mediocrity) diversity. instead, if you looked at the online material for the article, you got blinked at to “take a quiz and find out if you’re a helicopter parent!” as if you needed one more way to measure yourself against others. as if we aren’t already doing that overtime, in our own inner worlds. full disclosure here: i did not buy the magazine and have not read the article, nor do i plan to, i am solely commenting on the cover photo and title, and the response i have witnessed.

as ani difranco so eloquently put it on her recent album, “i don’t wanna strive for nothin’ anymore.” and that is something i have been feeling viscerally within my situation with my coparent, who seems to be striving towards some goal of being victorious over me in achieving mainstream mediocrity and being better at what society thinks is good parenting and winning some imaginary battle. i don’t want to strive like that. it’s not a competition i wanted to get myself into. i kept trying to connect on whatever common ground we had. many of us needed remedial parenting strategies from dr. sears in order to cognitively grasp the concept of nurturing connection with our children (rather than um, you know, trusting our intuition- though just as many of us happened upon a.p. after already having arrived at the same conclusions), and we still need remedial connection help, when it comes to each other as fellow parents. we mamas should use our differences to build strength among us, build community, and build one another up, rather than all this tearing down. the reactions to the time cover are full of judgment, no matter which “side” one is on. i don’t want to be on a side, i don’t want to extrapolate wildly from a single photo, what i think one mother’s whole life is about. i admire the courage of that mama to attempt to normalize a normal human behavior, a behavior i spent 59 months of my life doing, and i support every mama who is on this mama journey and putting her best foot forward, whether they follow 0 or all 7 of the baby b’s of ap.

i think if we all unattached ourselves from the outcomes of our own and other parents’ parenting styles, we would find so much more room for connection, both with one another and with our kids. i’m not saying to stop evolving, or that i’ve stopped reading parenting books. i’m just saying we should all cut ourselves, and each other, some slack. relax, you are more than mama enough.

mamamilklove

Posted on October 13, 2011 by marybethrew

it’s sort of an in-between sleep and awake swirled around place, that milky time between mama and babe, the sum of all those times as the babe is tiny medium bigger biggest oh so big i can’t let him lean over me to get “the other milk” anymore or my rib cage will implode… it’s a blur, it’s a dream, it’s like it’s happening underwater, it just goes on and on and is both always and never changing. it’s mamamilklove. no two consecutive days or even nursing events are alike, there is always change and growth and newness. and yet, from inside it, it feels like it is never going to end and will always be this way forever. it has been years and years after all. zero, one, two, three, four. and to hear it from the only other person who has a say in the matter, “i’ll stop having mama milk when i’m twenty.”

only by standing outside of it once in a while and looking at snapshots in time can you see the change and even then it’s hard and what you can never see, is the thing you sometimes want to see most, which is the future, how the choices i am making now are going to turn out…

and if you make a choice to commit for the long haul and let the child lead or decide you’re making a new name for it called cooperative weaning, which makes it sound more like you’re both leading, but you just happen to be deciding to keep going not rushing him not trying to manipulate the timing… then you are mostly alone and have even fewer mama kindreds to lean on for perspective, besides those snapshots of self that you only have time for… when you’re lying there nursing for a teensy bit longer than you would like, again, and your head is in that milky in between space which is the only way you survived this long.

mamamilklovesnapshot: latching my nicu baby on in spite of the nurses admonitions, in spite of the oxygen thingie still in his nose, deciding once and for all this is my baby and i make the decisions and feeling so empowered by the amount of weight gain from that first time nursing (because of course he got weighed before and after, lest i starve my child, and the nurses were baffled because the numbers were so high they just couldn’t be right.) his complete relaxation, for the first time. mine, too.

mamamilklovesnapshots nursing on buses, in public places, in parks, in parking lots, in bed, in every room, in the sling, in the bathtub, on the toilet, on the floor, at yoga class, at work…

zero

mamamilklovesnapshot: 8 month old dreadfully sick congested baby. thanking all gods and goddesses for mama milk and its healing power.

mamamilklovesnapshot: crying for mama milk turning to beating on my upper chest for mama milk turning to signing for mama milk turning to “mama milk.” (interesting to me how his first word was mama, but milk was one of the last words he learned. i wonder if he figured the two were one in the same for a good long while there in the beginning.)

mamamilklovesnapshot: you turning one and nothing mysteriously happening to make it seem like mama milk should stop.

mamamilklovesnapshot: 15 months and the relief for both of us of nursing all night long, after working all day, my first days back to working away from him full time. his relief: mama came back. my relief: our attachment is going to be okay.

one

mamamilklovesnapshot: you turning two and nothing mysteriously happening to make us think we should stop. nursing on demand with a toddler who now took up more than my lap, and a good slice of the bed. nursing at the farmer’s market and projecting lots of things and doing lots of internal dialogue.

two

mamamilklovesnapshot: you turning three. nothing mysteriously happening… many people no longer aware of us nursing at all, since mostly it happened at home. not that we were asking for their opinions anyway. asking to nurse at age 3 at the farmer’s market and me doing my first real delaying. sometimes. offering again later, if i said i would, when it was a good time. nursing for 5 seconds for owies or upsets now is all that it takes. mama relief every time a bug comes through and we are “still” nursing, “still” able to fall back on mama milk to help heal.

three

mamamilklovesnapshot: you turning four, with nothing mysterious happening. (i’m noticing a pattern and am now confident that age cut-offs are completely arbitrary. i suspected, before, but now i am confident.) no longer asking to nurse out at the farmer’s market. age 4. big boy, stretching that attachment rubber band.

mamamilklovesnapshot: a month ago. napping becoming sporadic. nursing to sleep at bedtime and on days when naps happen. wake up nursing still a long blurry sweet snuggle time. nothing in between (or should i say too much else to stop and have mama milk in between). almost never even for owies. still some middle of the night nursing once in a while.

four

mamamilklovesnapshot: this week. falling asleep at night listening to me read the hobbit. still telling me the order of nightly business before bed including “potty then brush teeth then read hobbit then milk” but then reading “just one more page” until his eyes close. mama amazement and wonder at watching eyes close without any milk involved whatsoever. almost no more napping. almost no more nursing. almost. wake up snuggle time nursing, as i guessed, is the last holdout. almost. and here comes cold and flu season. and mama doesn’t mind/secretly rejoices about that one time a day, the 5 days a week her boy is waking up with her.

mamamilklovesnapshot: yesterday. yellow jacket stings on his leg. “oww it hurts!!! i’m getting poked a lot of times!” big bad owie owie owie. huddled on mama’s lap getting slathered with baking soda. no mention of mama milk. wow, a mama thinks to herself. wow, this really is going to happen.

simple poems and stories

Posted on August 4, 2011 by marybethrew

“once there were a lot of people that planted a lot of seeds in the buried heavier in the rocks of the jetty boulders and the trees grew up and grew branches and from the branches shot fireworks!” ~6-30-11 (somewhere in there, i think he means “heather”)

“the top of you smells so good i could eat you up!” ~7-3-11

quinn: what if i died when i was five? would you cry forever and not stop?

me: yes, i would.

quinn: i would cry forever and not stop because i didn’t make it to twenty.

me: i want to make it to one hundred.

quinn: i want to make it to a hundred, too! i want to make it to a thousand! a thousand, mama, please, and then one more after a thousand!

quinn: one time, before i was quinn, i was a pirate captain and i had a ship. i didn’t have a home on land at all, my home was on my ship.

me: how did you like that, having your home be on a ship only? did you wish you had a home on land, or did you like just having a ship for a home?

quinn: i liked it. my only home was on a ship and i liked it.

lots of stories these days begin with “one time, before i was quinn…” or “once i had a brother…”

last night, with sniffly nose:

me: are you feeling sick?

quinn: yes, it’s just that i’m coughing all the time, and my mouth is open and the far distance of my mouth is all salty!

later…

quinn: my sickness seems to be pushing your milk back into you so i can have some to drink! (happy breastfeeding week, y’all!)

gradual milestones

Posted on June 7, 2011 by marybethrew

there is a so much right now… it’s overwhelmingly sweet and poignant and heart-wrenching and growth-promoting… i leave on a 10-day research cruise in less than two weeks, and finally was able to start that conversation with quinn, after much hemming and hawing and stalling on my part.

it was pushing 9:30 sunday night. since there is lot of daylight right now i’m doing as much as i can to not turn on lights, and enjoying the feel of it grow darker by imperceptible amounts and then realizing i’m having trouble seeing what i’m reading. then i stop reading and do whatever i need to do to get ready for bed for the most part without turning on any lights, then fall asleep. in addition to being right up my permaculture obsessed alley, it is helping me get to sleep well (though at 3am i am likely to be obsessing about sunchokes. i need to get some planted asap!) we arrived home to the dark house and snuggled up on the couch in the almost darkness, and i asked if i could talk to him about something. “you know how i told you i’d be going on a boat for a few days?” i explained in more detail how it would be ten days, and all the ins and outs. i’m getting on the boat in washington, but will be coming into newport on the boat so he will be able to see me and my boat come right up to the dock. (coparent can walk him there from his place if i text when we get close enough to shore for texting.) quinn got very quiet then he got a little quiver in his voice and sat up straight on my lap (he had been snuggled up against me) and said, “well, can i come on the boat too?” oh god. the agony. the poor kid. i mean i not only feel bad leaving him, but it’s like his favorite dream ever to go on a boat and here i’m going and doing the super funnest thing ever (in his mind) without him. so i explain no we’re going too far offshore, where the waves are too bumpy for little people, and we have to do a lot of work with heavy equipment that’s not safe, etc. “well, maybe i could take a nap down in the cabin?” OH MY GOD my throat hurt so badly, listening to his problem solving little self find potential solutions. sigh…. pretty soon he was just saying “don’t go on a boat, mama!” and we both cried a little bit and i told him i would miss him so much. he asked a lot of stuff like why did i have to go on the boat for work, and then finally told me “when i’m 20, maybe you can go on a boat again and i can go with you because i’ll be 20 and i can catch some salmon and do work on them with you too.”

resolved.

20 is a magic number, when he’s 20 he figures he’ll be able to do all the stuff he wants to do but can’t yet because he’s too little. it sucks being little sometimes.

so then i figured while i was at it, i’d talk to him a little about saying bye bye to the milks. we’ve only brushed up against the subject a few brief times, and usually he just deflects and says he is never going to be done having mama milk. i mostly just drop it at that point. rachel at 6512 and growing posted a photo of her four year old and a cake with icing saying “goodbye milky” on it was an aha moment for me, a way to help him with the transition- we’ll have a bye bye milks party! so i have been rolling that idea around, and sunday night i was trying to explain that it’s up to him when we stop, but that there might not be much milk when i come back from the boat, and did he want to stop before i leave on the boat, or did he want to be able to try having mama milk again when i come back. he was so visibly upset when i suggested stopping when i leave, and got immediately calm again when i suggested he’d be able to have milk when i come back. so that’s that. he requested, “can you do something while you’re on the boat to make it so the milk doesn’t get old in there?” i think he’s worried it’ll go sour. aww. then i brought up that maybe when he says bye bye to the milks for good, that we could have a party and make a cake. and he lit up. he still didn’t want to do it before i leave on the boat, but sometime after i come back… now he is maybe sort of looking forward to it at least. he told me he will “bring some guys” (invite some people) and his cake will have “melted chocolate on top and white on the bottom” and i asked if i should have carmen make it for him or should we make it and he said we should make it (awwww. carmen makes amazing sweets next door to us at the farmer’s market, so that boosted my sugar-free whole wheat ego big time). and he will get candles and everyone at the party will “each get to blow out a candle” and… yeah. the party idea is a hit. i’m excited! i think it will be fun. and needed. poor guy. it’s hard to say goodbye! lol.

then i talked to him about how it was when i went to seattle for three days last october, which he didn’t remember at all. i told him he had been with dada playing and having fun for the three days. how he had been so happy to see me but had run away and hid in his “nest” (where he naps at coparent’s- i think they had just built it during that 3 day period but he naps in it to this day. all coparent does is suggest a nap, he snuggles in the nest, and coparent says “go to sleep” and he does! utterly magical to a mama who has to do all kinds of gymnastics-read-backrub or just resort to the milks for naptime.) i told him how when i came into the room after seattle, he told me he didn’t want to come to me but he really wanted milk. and then he crawled onto my lap and had milk and fell right to sleep because it was time for bed. and we woke up the next day and played and had fun: resilience.

he asked me to repeat that story several times “tell me again about seattle?” we’re working through how sometimes you can have so many strong feelings of different kinds all at once, and how confusing and overwhelming and “i don’t knoowwwww!” that can be.

we also discussed all the cool things he and dada might do while i’m on the boat- paddle in the canoe, go crabbing at the crab dock in the middle of the night, etc. on that subject, the three of us are going crabbing tonight! quinn (who has me wanting to bust out crying about every 3 seconds) requested a framed picture of “me, you and dada” crabbing on the crab dock. he described exactly how he wants it to look, just like a frame i have on my table at the market with pictures of carriers in it, and “it’ll have glass in front of it and black on all four sides” in a very detailed and excited description. oh, my aching heartstrings.

wild backyard strawberries

coparent and i talked it over and he’s supportive… but he was surprised and did not understand the goodbye milk party idea. he figured moms have to get their kid to think about anything else than milk, and he can’t see how it would work having a party: isn’t he just going to think about it so much that as soon as the party is over he’ll be ready to have milk immediately? i tried to explain that my definition of it “working” might be different from his. if the worst case scenario is that we party and quinn still isn’t done…. ok! i’m completely fine with that outcome, i’m committed to this process taking as long as it takes. but if it has to be a matter of me distracting/lying/waving arms to stop him, then that to me is NOT going to “work” for us. there is no area of our lives where i operate that way with quinn, i’ve always been very straightforward with him. i discarded the advice during the baby/toddler stages to “just distract them” from the “bad” thing they want to do, because to me it felt dishonest. i always explained what i wanted quinn to do, and left him the choice to leave what he was doing that i wanted him to stop, and that way he learned about it rather than it just happening without his real consent. it takes longer in the moment but i think in the long run it saves time, and even more important than that to me was to save my integrity. extrapolating to now at age four, doing that whole distraction thing would feel wrong. (not to mention he is not easily distracted!) furthermore i dearly do NOT want him to forget milk, i am thrilled that there will be one man in the world who will remember, fondly and vividly, so the next generation has more little people in the same boat. and more… and more…. if a party helps him remember it fondly, and not as a hardship, then by ALL means let’s have a party. and if it takes him another month after that, again: so be it.

i think coparent understood after i said all that. i think quinn GETS it, that after the party we are agreeing to it being done, and that he will therefore wait to ask for the party until he is really really really ready.

he still doesn’t want to ever stop having mama milk. he still doesn’t want me to go on a boat. i still don’t want to go, for that matter. as much as another completely separate me does want to be on the ocean once again, at long last. but i’m glad we’re talking about it, i have a tendency to bottle up my angst and avoid, avoid, avoid, until it’s past the point where there’s time to process and move through this stuff. when we get there, we still won’t want to, but we will. and we’ll be ok.

so many of these milestones are so gradual and ongoing- even if there is a visible mile marker in the river of time, i will know, looking back, that he and i have been practicing for it the whole time. the whole time.

all the world’s a boat

Posted on December 3, 2010 by marybethrew

i’ve already gone on and on here about how my son will take a piece of rope and a beach-combed crab pot buoy and play “boat” for hours in a laundry basket… but it’s not just his imaginitive play world. his entire world centers around boats….

last night we finally “carved” our green pumpkin (heheheh. to eat!)

“look mama! now we have two big green boats!”

{he and i cut 15 and 18 inches, respectively, of our hair off over the holiday, and ever since, i can’t get a non-blurry picture of the little elf! methinks it’s also that there’s no light left in the universe… c’mon solstice!}

but it’s more than just the obvious half-pumpkin boats.

the moon was still visible this morning, as we made our morning commute. it’s as waned as it can be before “empty moon” (the opposite of full moon, get it?) so when i informed him it was almost new moon, he told me, “yeah, then it will be full moon again! but right now, the moon is just a tiny little boat!” mm-hmm. a magical, mysterious white shadow canoe in the sky!

rudiments of reading, via boat:

“look at all the O’s on this page. they look like buoys marching in a line!” (of course he loves Q’s even better- they have a little bit of rope tied on, so they can be crab traps!)

and even this….

last night: “i just love your milks! they seem just like buoys!”

the highest praise! one of the trillion reasons i dearly love the process of what i call cooperative weaning… this boy can articulate exactly what he loves about “having milk,” and i’m hoping he’ll remember how much like buoys (read: infinite joy) the milks are, if he someday has children of his own.

travel

Posted on October 26, 2010 by marybethrew

i’m in seattle for work for a couple of days… my kiddo sounds like he’s doing great at home with dada. oh, hello my old breast pump friend, haven’t spent time with you in a long while… oh hello self, you haven’t spent this much time alone with me in a loooooong while! (got my laptop bag, wool hat and journal pictured above- lately i’m into fun colors!) got posts brewing, but mostly i left little bits and pieces of them home so they’re drafts. though i imagine even this country mouse can get inspired here in the big city (i’ve already got plans for after my long day buried up to my elbows in fish guts!) it’s our first time apart (quinn and i) for over 24 hours… but it feels good. i’m just glad it’s only 3 days!

~this moment~ normal

Posted on July 23, 2010 by marybethrew

A Friday ritual. A single photo capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

quinn’s eighteenth month ~ muffins in the middle of the night

Posted on August 23, 2008 by marybethrew

7/24

Quinn managed to stay awake long enough to make it to the beach. We shared a burrito on the walk there- I hate to not sit down for dinner, but most evenings we then have to choose one or the other- dinner OR beach. Too hard a decision, so we eat and walk sometimes, unfortunately. Great beach weather- the wind was just dying down when we arrived. I watched Quinn study the way the sand can’t be grabbed, the way it trickles through your finger more quickly the harder you try to hold on.

His word of the day: bum-bee (variation of bumblebee). He said it and pointed to a helicopter that flew overhead. 🙂

7/25

don’t feel like writing much tonight- kind of sad about so many setbacks with getting Quinn’s visits set up with his dad. Also, there was another party at Scott Baker’s house and while they are fun, it is a reminder that I am not currently working on whales… but that can be temporary, and salmon are way cool in the meantime. Quinn fell asleep in the sling after hanging out with the dogs at scott’s house.

7/26

Quinn’s word of the day today was “happy” which was exactly what mama needed to hear! 🙂 we met trina and noah at the farmers market, then went to south beach (and had no car trouble! Yay!) quinn and noah worked on sharing quinn’s beach car (the one quinn’s dad found on the beach) and they both walked and ran around a lot. Quinn took a cat nap in the car coming home from the beach, so his real nap didn’t happen until 3 and bedtime not until 9:30. that was fine because we got a lot of cleaning done- my landlord gave me a vacuum cleaner, and happily, it does not scare quinn. In fact, he was fascinated and “helped” me push it around. He colored, played a lot with his dollhouse. At one point he came and got a bottle out of the drawer in the kitchen, and I asked if he’d like to feed some milk to his monkey. His eyes lit up, so I got his monkey and he “fed” otto the bottle. It was very sweet, he was cuddling and kissing otto. Then he decided otto needed some real milk and pulled up my shirt and put otto on the breast! This was hilarious and then of course quinn wanted to share some milk, too. He sat on the couch alternately feeding monkey and bear for a while after that. Definitely a priceless memory.

7/27

rainy morning. We ended up outside quite a bit later on, though. After quinn’s nap we walked (he walked about a block, then rode in the sling) to the library and got a library card. They have a fabulous children’s section, it was hard to choose just two books. They have a train track table, and lots of puzzles and a dollhouse. It was great, I could really inspect the books and pick two I really wanted while he played. I have heard there is an amazing storyteller but I’m always at work at the times she reads. 🙁 someday on a vacation week… after we left the library we walked down to the beach (we were already on the west side of 101) and back down the beach towards our usual route home. Quinn eventually wanted “dowm” so I let him run around (he is getting very surefooted on the sand) and eventually he decided to go towards the water. I managed to get his moccasins off, but he was pretty into going out to meet the waves (didn’t believe me that they’d come meet him) so he got his pants all wet up to the knees. He was in his glory, little water boy. It was hard to convince him to leave the water’s edge but eventually he got hungry and signed “food” so I stripped off his pants, put him in the sling and hiked home, yertle the turtle and dinosaur roar tucked under my arm, soggy sweatpants in the other hand, sandy moccasins in my back pocket.

Word of the day: apple. Quinn walked laps around the couch while I sat and read him yertle the turtle. He also put bunch of the dollhouse people in his bottle.

7/29

last night I didn’t get a chance to write because quinn napped coming home from the beach and until 8:30 (but nursed the whole time) then stayed up with me until 10:45. the beach was glorious (I’m glad we went; today we have downpours!) and we played lots when we came home which lately is kind of rare. (so yay for late bedtimes! Once in a while… 🙂) tonight he is in bed at 7:45, probably for the night. We had a fun evening, eating lots of food, coloring, and taking a bath. (after coloring his face blue and a poop diaper it seemed to make sense not to just “spot clean”.) he did not want to read a book or comb his hair after the bath, just go directly to sleep. So that is what we did. (his hair doesn’t need to be combed out every time it gets washed, right?)

8/2

Wednesday (7/30) quinn came home from daycare and fell immediately asleep at 5:30. at 9PM he woke up with a fever, and was back out by 9:30 for the night. In the morning, his temp was 101.7 so I stayed home from work. He slept the better part of the day, needing me right there for the most part, but having trouble nursing due to his nose being stuffed up. He only had milk, water and a few raisins and blueberries all day Thursday, but he managed not to get dehydrated. He got up to 102.7 at one point. I gave him baths and did the wet sock treatment while he slept. (I also gave him infant ibuprofen- “dye free! Will not stain!” how about, “will not induce ADHD in your child!” as a selling point, instead, and while you’re at it, take out the high fructose corn syrup!) on Friday morning he was still out of it, but down to 99.1 so I went to work but got called 2 hours into the day saying he was back up to 102. poor baby. So I took another day off, and we had a little more fun.i put the futon into bed formation and loaded it with toys, books, sippy cup, and snacks, and we read just about every story in the sleeping bag, propped up on 8 pillows. His fever was down for quite a while in the afternoon, and he was playing normally, but went up and down some in the evening. I pushed him to the elementary school on his tricycle and we went on the swings together. He went to bed at 7, and I at 8, like the night before (hence no writing got done) this morning he felt normal again (99ish) but was very grumpy all morning. We went to the farmer’s market and he rode around in the sling and got much more calm and happy being outside (he had demanded “o-zide!” at 5 am and I took him for a sling walk then as well.) so… being halfway intelligent, I took him for a drive down the coast a little ways, in toward drift creek wilderness, and then we spent a couple hours at seal rock state park beach, where he napped on my lap for a while as I leaned on a log. The weather was gorgeous and I was glad to get to that beach- I have been there several times before, but not since the move. Up by drift creek I stopped the car to pick a handful of thimbleberries but Q wasn’t too interested (obviously berry boy is still not himself!) but when we got home he ate a good dinner and wanted still more milk after that. Yet another bath, then bedtime.

8/3

Sunday today- a walk to the beach, a walk to the fairgrounds to see the quilt show (Q liked the brightly colored ones, especially with animals or “balls” on them), a trip to the grocery store, a walk in the forest down the block… as we walked in the forest I found a bird’s egg shell on the ground, but then further on the path I found a nest! It has nobody left in it, and must have fallen out of the tree. It is so cool to me, I grew up where the nests are all made of straw, hay, baling twine. Here- moss! Lots of green, stringy moss- looks super comfy for baby birds!

After the grocery trip Quinn asked to play with the tea (in the box) and after a few minutes of trying to open it himself, asked for help. He pulled out a few of the packets and then brought one to me, waiting expectantly for me to tear it open. So I did, and thanked him, and put the tea bag in my cup, and handed him back the wrapper, which he often likes to play with, and he walked straight over to the sink, underneath which is the trash. Again he waited expectantly, until I opened it so he could throw away the wrapper… I have not been one to teach him about throwing things away, but as usual he has observed it all on his own!

8/4

oh the joys of being awake from midnight to 3am! (cranky, cranky baby boy- he wanted nothing to do with me or any of my offerings until around 2. we were in the garage doing “bum” and taking the tires off my bike. That seemed to cheer him up enough to want to try sleeping again.) had to leave work early because becky was too sick to keep watching the kids by 3:00. I struck out on one set of errands (Quinn in tow) but got the bike tires fixed (they have a cool play area at newport bike where Q played while we waited). Then immediately upon arriving home i locked the keys (car and house keys) in the car. no doors or tailgates or garage doors unlocked… so i broke in through the sewing room window (i had left it open a crack) while Quinn liberally watered the tomato plant. he ate lots of yogurt, and his hair ate a lot, too, so then we took a bath and he went nicely to sleep around 7:30, and slept peacefully until 9:30 and then didn’t even nurse to fall back to sleep again. (he does more of that all the time, without me ever really “trying” to make him do it.) ah, an evening to string a few lucid thoughts together before i C….R….A….S….H momentarily… so glad Quinn is on the mend now! i hate so much to have him hurting.

8/5-8/6

after a good night’s sleep, Quinn had a rough time going to daycare. he cried all the way there. mr. kitty followed us there, and seemed to snap him out of his crying spell, and i know he stopped crying when i left. after work, we had a good evening. he helped me in the kitchen, ate a lot of yogurt and a banana, read quite a few books. he asked to go to the beach at 8, and carried his bucket to the door, so we drove to the beach and played a little. he went to bed around 8:30 after i finally managed to coax him into a walk during one final tantrum to end the day… or so i thought it ended… then we were up from 1-3 AM…. tired mama! i decided to go with it, and act as if it was a normal time of day to be awake. turned on lights, emptied the dishwasher while QUinn played with the garlic press and whisk and other utensils. baked a batch of blueberry muffins. played with tools in the garage….

morning came too soon, and with another tantrum, we were off to daycare. mr. kitty came along again. this evening was mellow- more yogurt and banana, some couscous, cheese and blueberries. i have been noticing the little details that Quinn picks up. he helped me put the wash in the dryer yesterday, and when i opened the dryer door he immediately started pulling out the lint trap to empty it. then he takes wet clothes that i hand him and puts them in. he knows which key opens the mailbox…. from a keyring holding 4 keys. sometimes it stops me in my tracks it is so amazing how much he knows.

8/7

we went walking after a rough day (for mom) and happened upon a drum circle going on in the little round kiosk at the southern path down to nye beach. Quinn started bopping before the building was in view, and the sign said “open to the public” so we listened to a song. i was going to continue walking but Quinn pointed and leaned and asked for “dowm” so i went inside and listened for another song. then on the next two, we sat and played some of the drums and shakers that were provided for the “public” to use, and Quinn was just reveling. it was pretty cool to see him get so into it- he would play a while, then stop and just listen and SMILE. so beautiful.

8/8

we had a nice evening, (and for that matter, a much better morning both yesterday and today) nothing particularly noteworthy as far as activities, but in milestones, we have several new words to record. we went for a walk, and at one point Quinn got down and it was the first time i heard him saying “running” and he said it over and over again. later he repeated several things back to me: “sharp” which was my explanation why he was not allowed to play with the scissors he pointed to; “chicks”, “pepper”, “boats”, “pumpkins”, “shells”, and “pencils” all words in his “1,2,3” book (he repeated almost every page, up to 12, but puppies, fish etc are already in his repertoire.)

8/11

monday. Quinn got up with a few minutes to spare before going to becky’s, and it made for a smoother transition. he was very content today, no tantrums, and generally cheerful. i asked him if he was ready to go to becky’s and he said “be-ty!” he says so many new words all the time. today i noticed “cereal” and “pump” and i’m sure there were others because his brain seems to be growing incredibly fast! tonight i caught him reading his 1-2-3 book out loud to himself- pointing to the picture of a pepper “puh-app-oo!” (app-oo is apple and lots of fruits and veggies are a version of apple to him at the moment- buh-app-oo is blueberries.)

8/12

today quinn started saying “uh-oh!” by far one of the cutest words yet. i have mixed feelings about it- mostly good, and a little wistful/sentimental- he’s growing up! usually he says uh-oh in innocent situations, but then sometimes he’ll purposely, for example, drop a spoon full of oatmeal on the floor and cutely exclaim “uh-oh!” mischief.

along the same lines, he also has learned “mine” and this evening grabbed the 1-2-3 book out of my hands and informed me that it was his… again, those battling proud/wistful emotions for a mama. yay! he can assert himself! boo, he lives in a world where he has to assert himself… it’s all a part of the process.

and then he tells me after nursing, “nummy!” ok, he’s still my baby. 🙂

8/13

cereal = “sha-role!” which was quinn’s response to me asking if he wanted to come to the kitchen with me. (his cereal is 10-grain mush. i have not figured out what he so loves about it, but boy is it healthy!) he ate the better part of an avocado for dinner, odd, he hasn’t been all that interestsed in them lately. perhaps his current brain development (esp. language centers!) is driving his food preferences. avocado = brain food!

at bath time he “requested” me to sing rubber ducky. (he said “duck” while swaying back and forth with a big grin on his face.) how can anyone resist that?

then at 2 am…. (groan)… we were awake eating yogurt and raisins, reading the belly button book, and being generally awake in the middle of the night for two hours. methinks his brain development is also the culprit for his special sleeping habits of late, and i suppose i will live through the sleep deprivation. he said “pict” and pointed at the newspaper clipping i have of brendan on the fridge, then “bennen” when i told him it was uncle brendan. he also enjoyed identifying mark’s and matt’s “hats” in the “pict”. hats have always been a favorite of quinn’s.

8/14

word of the day (or should i say hour, it seems like every day 5 new words tumble out of his mouth!) “burp!” (giggle, giggle). we also talked about, and ate, a plum (i think he called it “plump” which makes sense as he has recently been saying “pump” a lot. i got a picture of him clapping for himself after putting some of his dollhouse people into the beds… this was, of course, during his wide awake hours of 8:30 to 11 pm (hey, at least it wasn’t 2 in the morning again!)

8/15

newport is the place to “beat the heat” according to local public broadcasting… apparently other parts of oregon are hitting 100 degrees while we maintain a very oceanic 55. i am glad it has not phased me at all- we still have sun. i don’t mind 55 if it is sunny!

tonight quinn settled down pretty independently. he eventually asked me to play trains with him, then piled all the cars into my lap and climbed aboard my lap himself to nurse and be carried to bed. i live for moments like those, and am so thankful our nursing relationship has been such a good one, and not hurt by any of the recent changes we have been through.

8/16

we had another round of night waking- this time from 4-5:30 am. luckily it’s saturday so we then slept in until 9:30! we lazily made our way to the farmers market, where quinn ran around barefoot in the grass, carrying a fresh peach in each hand, while i sat and enjoyed my coffee. then he settled in my lap and ate half a peach. at the beach later on we could hear, but not see, the surf from where we sat on the sand. it was too foggy to see even that far! quinn buried his feet and “found” them over and over again, exclaiming “feet!” or “foot!” each time. another new word for him is hands although that one is harder for him to say. he clasps his hands when he says it, so you know what he means. he has requested to wear his one lonely sandal a few times, and in the evening while we were putting it on he told me “sambal”. while reading “i am a mouse” he pointed at the pictures of butterflies “fa-fly!”

8/17

new words today… chair, paper, people, tickle (“te-tu!”). he “reads” the word “box” when we read green eggs and ham. in his lift-the-flap version he loves to open and close the box with the fox in it. at one point i asked him if he could help me by taking a pillow that was on the chair (we were in the dining room) and putting it on the couch- i watched him go pick it up and deliver it right through the kitchen, into the living room, and onto the couch! then later on he decided on his own to bring that pillow and another one back to the chair in the dining room. 🙂 crazy thunderstorms in the middle of the night!

8/18

Monday, monday. tonight quinn went to sleep at 7 but woke up again at 8. i put him in the sling and walked while i talked to susan on the phone, and he ended up just sitting on my lap quietly while we finished our conversation, and falling asleep on my lap at 10:30. it was very sweet.

8/19

tues. today when i picked Q up from daycare he told becky and trisha not just bye but “bye see you!” he helped me sew a grocery bag. we read a lot, and he said “airplane” when we read “the pigeon loves things that go”. rode my bike to work today finally!

8/20

i am going on a new theory that quinn needs a little more attachment from me again. i think his sleep patterns are mostly to do with his enormous new vocabulary, but possibly also the 18 month separation anxiety setting in. so tonight i put him in the sling for a half hour while i cleaned and took the trash out. then i took a bath with him after dinner, and sling-walked him to sleep (bundled in the raincoat). he already seems to be more soundly asleep, so we’ll see if it helps. we haven’t had as much of a babywearing routine on weekdays while it has been not so nice weather, so i am hoping for some nice beach weather soon for some longer walks again.

8/21

today was the first day that quinn said bye-bye to me when i dropped him off at daycare. he and robert are often the first two there in the morning and they share becky’s lap and cuddle, and when i set him on her lap he looked up and smiled and said “bye-bye!” after work grammy and grampy came with me to pick up quinn (they arrived mid-day) and he wasted no time “warming up” to them. he climbed right onto grammy’s lap and started handing her books to read, including a new one they had gotten for him, “the tallest tree”. the last page of “the tallest tree” has a counting exercise, and after grammy went through it, he would repeat the names of things being counted, and say “fee-foh-fee-foh-fee-foh!” (3-4-3-4-3-4!)

8/22

quinn went to daycare for most of the day so g and g could settle in and rest up after their long journey. g and g went over after naptime and played with him at daycare, and after robert left, he was ready to come home with them. when i got home he was stacking firewood with grampy. he said “hammer” and “pompom” today. he fell asleep at 7 but got up again at 8 and was up until after 10. he requested bubbles when i put him in the bathtub. then after a bath, he ran laps back and forth from kitchen to dining room, putting potatoes into a pan in one room as he took them out of a bag in the other.

8/23 18 MONTHS!

quinn said “thank you” for the first time today (that i recognized) and also did the sign for thank you! we went to the farmers market and got strawberries, peaches and lots of veggies (quinn carried the purple onion, and also said “onion” today). then we went to the beach (nye) and g and g got to see how good quinn is now at walking on the sand. he had a good time climbing up a dune, and eating grammy’s pretzels. later we went grocery shopping and got my bike fixed again. we also did some work around the house, played outside, and did some block-stacking. after another bath, he went to bed at 8.

quinn’s eleventh month ~ clapping in his sleep and first christmas!

Posted on January 23, 2008 by marybethrew

12/24 Christmas eve we spent most of today getting ready to go to the coast to stay in the yurt! Daddy was hidden away in his workshop for a good part of the day, too, so quinn and mommy played and napped and things like that.

12/25 Christmas day

We did christmas at home before we left for the coast. The first present Quinn opened was a rubber ducky that Grampy sent him. He could have played with it forever,

he was not really ready to open the rest of the gazillion presents. i gave him a cute little raccoon finger puppet in his stocking, too, and he played with the two of them…. the raccoon and the duck, lying sideways on my lap in milk coma. I love when he is just content like that. he got some toys from relatives, including a guitar that makes animal sounds and electric guitar riffs, those plastic stackable donut rings, etc. Grammy also sent some great presents; a little zip up barn thing with animals inside, some new homemade bibs, a few books. he also got books from aunt michele. (books are my favorite present for him now because i have to read a half dozen of them every night, and i like to have some variety.) there’s a great one called HUG that and the belly button book. One of the best presents were homemade blocks from daddy.

it snowed in portland before we left. we finally left around 3 to head for the coast. we drove over the coast range in the snow. we checked into our yurt at 6. we opened the yurt and WARM AIR came out. it was already heated. we didn’t even have to turn on the heat. so we brought in our sleeping bags and food and then looked at each other like, that’s it? that’s all we have to do? no tent to set up, nothing. we walked down to the beach to say hi briefly but it was COLD so we came back to our WARM yurt!

12/26 waking up in the yurt, quinn was in awe of the dome skylight. He kept pointing up at it and using lots of vowel sounds- aaaoooouuuuu, ooohhhhhh, wowoooooh… we woke up and i made us breakfast, (i cooked on the porch so it wouldn’t stink like bacon and eggs in our yurt.) and we snuggled on the bed some more and quinn rolled around on us (he is getting long and lean but also more rolly poly in terms of playing- he is so much fun, we were using “rolly pole” as action verb quite a bit, hehe). quinn played HARD the whole time. he is starting to cruise around furniture standing up, so he is amazing. and he would get over to the table where everything “interesting” was hiding from him, and he would pull himself up with his FINGERS to see over the edge of the table. he literally almost lifted himself off the ground that way, his toes were barely touching. we brought some of his new toys but not the electric guitar. we went out later on to see if we could take a walk on the beach, but the tide was pretty high. there was a strip of rocks and no sand to walk on, and for me it was too close to the dunes to be comfortable walking because the waves were really angry looking. i could just see us getting swallowed by a rogue tsunami.

then dada got impatient so quinn and i went back home and dada went walking. by the time i got to the yurt quinn was asleep and i put him on the bed and went to turn on my phone because i was worrying about dada. as i turned it on, it rang but i accidentally closed it so it hung up. So then i called dada back and he said “I’M SORRY I GOT ANGRY.” come to find out, he had been walking along and a rogue wave DID come up and get him, and he scurried up the dune about 4 feet but it STILL came up to his waist…. two waves in a row, and he couldn’t move, and the dune was melting around him…. he decided to come back then. then he found a wilson football (did anyone ever see castaway with tom hanks? WILSON!!!!) dada was upset with himself for being angry with me the “last thing i ever did” we played on the bed while dada’s clothes dried and then we played some more. and we went out later to try to walk again but the beach was still too narrow so we decided to get up and try first thing in the morning.

12/27 we did wake up and head for the beach, and we were able to walk since it was low tide. some waves would STILL come way up the beach, but at least there was more room to scurry out of the way and i felt ok having my baby there. quinn fell asleep in the sling and i had the raincoat up around his head for the wind, and dada and i put the rubber duck in the water and took a picture of it. then we came back and had to pack up and go. 🙁 it was too short. on the way home we had to backtrack once because the road we would normally take home had trucks jackknifed on it, and then the other road we took had an accident that made us wait for an hour in a HUGE long line of cars in the snow. and THEN this branch fell on the power line about 10 cars behind us, and it was far enough off the road not to matter much but there was this buzzing sound and bright flashing sparks and a fire on the power line for like oh 20 minutes. it eventually went out when the branch fell on the ground… but geez! quinn was a champ… this time the trip was 5 hours and he slept twice, and he got his diaper changed the 2 times we stopped and the poor baby had to be stuck in his seat the entire time, and he did GREAT. I played with him and read to him and sang this land is your land to him…. and yeah he complained now and then, but he didn’t really carry on like i think many a baby would…. so he is my hero. then we got home and got warmer and quinn fell asleep on my lap on the couch.

12/28 daddy had to go to work today, so quinn and mommy just hung out around the house and settled back into normal routine. Quinn napped quite a bit, he seems to be craving sleep lately. We took some walks (to go get photos developed!) and played with some of the new toys.

12/29 saturday! Another normal day. (everything seems so “normal” after you live in a yurt for 3 days!) Quinn took a ride with dad to the hardware store in the evening, so mommy could take a bath. But when they got home, mommy was still taking a bath, so Quinn got to take a bath, too! Nursing in the bathtub is so much fun. Quinn has been trying to put things through the “donuts” (those plastic colored rings from his new toy) like a block, and a wrapper from a granola bar. It requires some pretty fancy fine motor skills, though the square block still wouldn’t go through the round hole. Hehe.

a lactivist with a camera timer is a dangerous thing!

12/30 anticipating pages in books- smiling in advance. We spent all day at home, one walk but it almost snowed on us and we made it home just in the nick of time.

12/31 Quinn and I had a mellow new years’ eve, in the bathtub, while dad was out running the monitors for the Everyone Orchestra at the Wonder Ballroom. Quinn fell asleep before midnight (ha) and I laid down to go to sleep listening to the fireworks and cheers in the neighborhood right at midnight.

(eek! more lactivism!)

1/1 Happy new year! Quinn’s 6^th tooth has arrived! His lower right second incisor has cut through, and I discovered it this evening. I am guessing he will get a few- there are several others that look close to erupting, and last time he got a crop of 5 all at once. It was interesting to me that there wasn’t much distress at all, no fevers or loss of sleep, so he must have done all the hard work the last few times when there was nothing to show for it in terms of new teeth.

Other reflections as the year turns over… I have been thinking there were a few milestones that kind of got left by the wayside as Quinn started pulling up to stand. But then I realized, all of these seemed to click into place around the same time: He now can crawl on his knees, which for a long time (and still sometimes) was not his style; he also can now get into sitting position no matter what position he starts in, whereas before, I usually helped him to sit. I noticed right around the time he started pulling up to kneeling that he was also working very hard, especially in bed, to sit up using his little abdominal muscles, and sometimes he would almost make it. Now he does it with ease, and knows how to use his arms and lean a certain way to help himself up, and can do it anywhere, hardwood floor included. Finally, he now kneels anywhere he wants as well, which seemed to come along with him standing up, and the same thing happened, where he practiced it in bed first, (in the middle of nursing usually, he would just jump up to his knees and dance, then resume nursing), and now I see him do it wherever he is, regardless of having anything to pull up on. Something seems to have kicked in, almost like he went from being 2 dimensional floor baby to 3 dimensional baby who can do EVERYTHING now.

Another fun thing I wanted to mention about reading with him, is that he likes to choose which book we read. I was always told that one gives infants a choice between no more than 2 things, or they get overwhelmed by the choices. But Quinn took it upon himself to start crawling across my lap when i finish a book, and picking the next one he wants to read out of the stack at the end of the couch. He is a young man who knows what he wants. He very seldom picks one that we have already read, in spite of there being only 20 or so to select from. If he does pick a repeat, he will stop me from reading it about 2 or 3 pages in, and close the book and toss it aside to go get a new one. This is something he doesn’t do if it’s one we haven’t yet read- he listens through whole books, almost every time. It is really amusing to watch him do this routine, and after a dozen books, I start to wonder how he can possibly like to listen to my voice this much?

1/2 we went to the lab today, and it felt a little rusty after not being there for almost 2 weeks.

1/3 today we were at home, but we took 2 walks. The second one was to the library up the street, where we got out 7 more books for quinn and one for mommy. Quinn is really proud when he holds two things in one hand these days (cds, books, blocks, tea bags, anything really). It is really cute to watch him work on it, and then look up all happy at one of us. He also has started hitting two blocks together to make music.

1/4 we went to susan’s today, and the 2 moms and 3 kids went for a big walk. The boys then played together for a while back at their apartment. In the evening, quinn got very involved with trying to put the cap on an empty baby food jar. He spent a LONG time working at it, and when he would get the cap on, he would get very excited and of course, we praised him for being a genius. Then he would take it off and do it all again. Very diligent with practicing things- he is a very determined little person.

1/5 saturday, and we did some errands this morning while daddy slept in. i turned quinn’s car seat around to face forward. (those laws are SO confusing and someone really needs to rewrite them! I am still not sure if he is supposed to be facing the rear because he’s not a year old yet, or if he needed to be facing forward 6 months ago because he cleared 20 pounds?!?! i split the difference, since his legs now have to bend to fit in it facing the rear, and he is ready to see things- AND he looks to most people like a 2 and a half year old.)

1/6 mama went to yoga class today all by herself. Of course it kicked her butt since it has been so long. But it sure felt good. And i had a wonderful welcome home committee. quinn had a burst of energy before bed… he started playing a new game with the blocks, where he would pass the cylinder (his favorite shape so far) to mommy and wait for mommy to pass it back. It was pretty interesting, because i had never done this with him, although maybe he was extrapolating from rolling the ball together. We both were giggling like crazy. Then i walked into the room as he was stacking one block on another. Yay! Up until now he has been the great demolisher, so this was fun for me to see. He did it again just so mommy could take a picture.

1/7 i made stroganoff in my crock pot and quinn was supposed to be eating something else, but he begged me to taste what i was having. It was made with all organic/natural stuff (turkey burger instead of beef, organic mushroom soup, etc.) so i felt ok letting him taste it- he LOVED it. Good old comfort food.

1/9 today we were home, so we dried a bunch of pears in the food dehydrator, made bread, and went for walks.

1/11 we went to susan’s today, where quinn “ate” cold pasta on floor with ro. We also went for a long walk. Quinn is identifying balls wherever we go now. He has his own two balls, a soccer and a tennis ball. At Susan’s he identified their plush soccer ball, and on the bus, he saw a guy holding a basketball under one arm and pointed it right out and said “ball!” (sounds a lot like “baw”). At home, he also points to various things, like the buttons on dad’s shirt, and calls them balls. His upper right 2^nd incisor (tooth #7) made its appearance today!

1/13 last night was an all night nurse-a-thon; we haven’t had one of those in a while, so i guess we were due. Maybe it has to do with the teething that is going on, or maybe a growth spurt, or just something. This morning Quinn and i went to new seasons, to get some yummy food. Then i got to go to another yoga class (so far so good on my “go to yoga once a week” new years resolution!)

1/14 Quinn has been using a lot of new “words” lately when he is babbling. But it took me a while to figure out that one of them is a word he learned from Mr. Kitty. weow! He has been saying a lot of W’s (we-ew-we-ew-we-ew etc.) Which i wonder sometimes if they are really L’s and R’s in baby speak. In this case, I think it’s an R, because that is how kitty usually sounds- REOW! And anyone who has met her knows she talks enough to have an influence on a small child. I just hadn’t thought of it, but at one point today, I was holding Quinn and he pointed at the table where a bag of pretzels was laying and said “weow! Weow! Weow!” and all of a sudden it clicked. He sees her begging to be fed all the time, and here he was, wanting his favorite snack. I swear, you can’t make this stuff up!

Quinn is always making up new games with his toys lately. Tonight he noticed that his tennis ball fits perfectly in the little plastic green donut. He thought that was awesome. And so did I, of course.

Tonight we heard his first claps! He started clapping when I read the first page of goodnight gorilla (by far his favorite book) and he kept doing it on every page. (Of course he was being praised profusely.) it really is the cutest thing in the world. He holds his left hand still while he moves his right hand back and forth. He’ll also clap my hands by holding onto the thumbs or the outsides of my hands, and now he’ll clap his right hand on my left hand. So much fun.

1/15 lots more claps today, as we took our show on the road to go to the lab. Quinn seems to be over his shy phase (which lasted all of a about a month) and now asks to be held by Deb- today he gave her four hugs in a row when he saw her. I think attachment parenting really does work. I never had anyone babysit for him or even hold him very often during that phase when everyone said I should (basically, before 9 months when they get shy). But Quinn is just so comfortable in his own skin (hopefully some of which can be attributed to his mommy being there for him) and he now initiates going to be with other people all by himself. I think it would be different if I had forced that on him before he was ready. It seems to be the case with daddy, too- he and dad are getting to be best buds these days.

1/16 woke up at 3am to quinn clapping (*grin*). we went to indoor park with susan, gryph and ro today. Quinn had a great time there, crawling after balls, riding in the wagon (pulled by mommy and then by gryphon), and eating all of the snacks that susan brought. (little beggar.) the sun came out after we had walked all that way, so we went back out for another walk, this time to get more library books (and return some). We got another sandra boynton book (i swear the woman is a genius) called blue hat, green hat, and quinn giggled hilariously while we read it for bedtime (three times in a row.)

1/17 Quinn was standing up without support tonight briefly. He was pulled up on the firewood rack, with dad close behind him, and he wanted to reach out and grab what was on top of the speaker nearby. He took his hands off the rack briefly, four different times, and had no problem balancing! It literally took my breath away.

1/18 This evening was bowling night for Hammer and Hand, (dada’s company) so we all went bowling. Quinn was in complete awe of the number of balls, racks and racks of them, that he got to see. It is one of maybe 5 words that he knows, so he took advantage of the occasion to point at every single one he saw and exclaim “BALL!!!” each time.

1/19 The new game of the day was putting blocks “in” my lap. I was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Quinn and he decided instead of putting the blocks into their box, he would put them in my lap. It was very funny to watch him put them in, then reach in to try to grab them back out again. I often wish I could be privy to what is going on in his head when he makes these little decisions, which blocks to take out and which to put in, and what game he is thinking up next!

1/20 Mom got to go to yoga again!

1/21 We went for a walk with dena and bodhi this afternoon. Bodhi is SO big! He is saying lots of words now, including putting two words together. He is very outgoing, and played with lots of quinn’s toys until Quinn woke up, and also was very interested in the cat. When she jumped down from a chair, he got scared and crawled up into my arms quickly! It was very cute, and made me think he must remember how I smell or something, from when I used to watch him when I was still pregnant with Quinn and he was a tiny baby. During the walk, Quinn rode in the sling, and Bodhi started out walking but ended up napping in his Ergo on the way home. Dena is one strong mama to still be carrying that boy that far!

1/22 Quinn started coughing this morning, and had a long bout of it that he couldn’t seem to shake. Eventually we went to the lab- he was very social, going to deb on his own initiative, etc. In the evening he was crawling a LOT around the living room/dining room and into the kitchen, and at one point i stayed where I was in the living room and called to him and as he was crawling away it sounded like this: “quinn-mom-quinn-mom-quinn-mom”. It was pretty cute that he was acknowledging me even though he was not going to disrupt his travel plans for me.

1/23 11 MONTHS!!!

Quinn was still not feeling great, but we went to OMSI with susan and he ended up having a great time- balls and more balls, pulling pegs out of a foam rubber thingie, watching a fish tank at ground level where he could crawl right up to it.

He is saying more words than ever, so I’ll try to remember them all here- mom-mom, da-da, ball (bawww), bear (beaw), cat (tuh!), hot (also tuh! but specific to the fireplace and coffee cups), pluh! (not sure if this means anything specific yet- sometimes he’ll say it in response to things like apple and i wonder if it is therefore food related; it may also be his word for yucky, as in spitting out food, meh= milk, duck (duh!).

He has fun sticking out his tongue at us, and getting us to do it, or doing it when we are to mimic us- he also has been mimicking our speech, motions (shaking head) etc.

He has been crawling a lot- he did laps tonight between the fireplace and catfood area… but came racing back to the fireplace to knock down any tower mommy built while he was around the corner investigating the cat food (heheheh that way mommy didn’t actually have to get up or say no!).

His 8^th and final incisor came in today. It is not tooth #8, however, because he has also pushed through his first molar- it happened a few days ago (not sure which day, I didn’t catch it when it first came through!). It’s the molar on the upper right side. Ouch! So the tooth tally is up to 9….

mama notes – when breastfeeding, quinn likes to climb on me to get to the other breast. Often he will end up falling asleep that way at night, and it is so cute and snuggly i can’t help but let him. He transitions from there into the bed just fine most nights. He is eating roughly twice a day solid foods now, and loving to feed himself. I have offered him food at other times of day, and he seems most happy with about 2pm and 6pm. Basically after his nap, and then an early (earlier than mine) dinner. Sometimes he’ll have a few bites of bread in the morning when i have my sandwich.

mb

magic & bioluminescence

Tag Archives: breastfeeding