~a month in the life of a lifelong learner~ miracles

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the trouble with blog posts is, there’s no way to make them scratch-and-sniff. perhaps i can utilize some sort of jedi mind trick to make you smell this clove-filled orange while you read about our month of lifelong learning.

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rich’s daughter and her fiance came for thanksgiving, and brought quinn a drone. the boys had fun flying it and rescuing it from the hedge with the apple-picker each time it got stuck. these two share a birthday, and i know q looks up to him, i mean, the guy has serious paintball equipment, c’mon. both daughter and son-in-law-to-be are very sweet with quinn.

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since our own christmas ornaments were in storage, we decided to make some. then we ended up giving most of them away as gifts, which was a great way to spend less money and avoid giving people things they didn’t want. (because how could they not want a handmade owl from quinn’s pinecone owl colony?) hot glue and some craft foam from the dollar store… and we were cranking out little droid-esque owls in no time. quinn asked me favorite colors of family members he was sending them to, which i thought was very thoughtful of him. he thinks often of his new york family and i know it means a lot to him to do nice things for them and think of them smiling from far away when they opened his gift.

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for yet another pinterest project idea we used dollar-store ornaments to make ninja turtles, some to keep, and some to give away to karate instructors and quinn’s third grade teacher, who used to do tae kwon do. quinn did research, and interviewed each instructor to find out their favorite ninja turtle so he could personalize their gifts.

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who’s your favorite? q loves rafael, and i am a donatello fan myself.

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with clay from our personal ceramics tutor and buddy, quinn worked at sculpting elf, dwarf, wizard, hobbit and ranger mover pieces for his d and d monopoly game.

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pokemon card making experienced a surge of renewed interest this month.

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the school book fair enchanted quinn, and i remember feeling that way myself when i was a kid, so i gave him some spending money to choose a few (overpriced and of questionable quality, but still) books. i was impressed with his choices: the next installment of diary of a wimpy kid (he had read the whole series up to that point from the library, and was very much looking forward to the next installment), a how-to-draw teenage mutant ninja turtles book (i used to come home from every book fair with a how-to-draw book of some sort), a set of star wars stickers, and a pokemon collector’s handbook. the pokemon handbook induced spin-off activities such as list-making and story writing. pictured above, he is working on quinn’s pokemon story using my laptop.

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3 people went to new york for 7 days. they spent 8 hours a day at a hotel. how many hours did they spend at the hotel?

i pondered a bit this month about helping quinn catch his writing skills up to the level of his math and reading skills, but i don’t really think there is much i need to do. he is motivated to write now more than ever, and has lots of ideas: the writing force awakens. his teacher had told me he was less than motivated to write during certain assignments, such as writing his daily “math review” which entails explaining how he solved the math equation. he tends to space out and just not do it, his teacher said, and i nodded knowingly, thinking of how he spaces out and “just doesn’t do” things like getting dressed or putting on shoes. and yet, when it is something that sets him on fire, like making a game or sorting out a new pokemon deck, he has stick-to-it-ive-ness alright, and the space-out symptoms vanish. i liked how he took the make-up-a-problem assignment above and made it into something he cared about – traveling to new york. personalizing mundane assignments is a skill i don’t think i really made conscious use of until graduate school. i think he will learn to tap into that skill for completing assignments that make him want to stick his pencil in his eye, like math review apparently does, and i bet his math reviews will become the most enjoyable read in the stack.

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music! quinn still routinely talks about drumming with special interest, when it comes to music, and i do think he is a rhythm-oriented guy, when i see him dance. also, based on the songs he chooses as favorites, i see a definite rhythm-o-phile in the making. he is also playing recorder at school, so we are doing a little at home as well (he said he has his b, a and g figured out). they don’t have music every week- each class has it for a whole week’s specials about twice a semester, but the teacher makes great use of the time, and we’re grateful for the little bit we do get. i have my eye on some star wars recorder music, as well as a cool curriculum for earning karate belts for mastering different songs on recorder that i came across on this mom’s hilarious and well-written blog. stay tuned for me wanting to stick a pencil in my eye as we take this recorder journey together.

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speaking of earning karate belts…

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a young jedi looks for the good in all people; keeps his karate covered like a treasure in his pocket; and prays he never needs to use it, or for forgiveness if he ever does. love the symbolism and lessons that reach far beyond the mat… karate really is well-rounded, if your kid is going to be a one-extracurricular-activity kind of guy like mine.

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testing for his red tip (final step before being eligible to promote to the next belt!)

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his belt promotion paperwork. question: how can commitment help you obtain a black belt in karate? answer: commitment is a kind of cowoperation that helps you. question: name two things that you have set goals to do in the past two months. answer: be a green belt by the time i’m 11. be tying bunny loops by the time i’m a purple belt. i will take a small amount of credit for planting that bunny loop idea as a goal, because q had already mastered every other step of getting his karate gear on and off, including tying his belt and folding his uniform after practice, but the ties on the sides of his gi (top) required bunny loops, and he wears crocs on his feet and has never bothered to learn to tie laces. still, in case he wears running shoes ever, it seems like a handy skill to have, and i wanted him to set a deadline so he’d actually work towards it. he decided on purple belt, and then set to work learning bunny loops. and he has indeed learned to tie them, and on the day of his belt test, did not even ask me for help with his gi.

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bad picture of bunny loop tying

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belt test, the big night. several parents complimented him on how well he did, and his instructor gave him a special shout-out at the end for how hard he had worked to become proficient in his orange belt curriculum. he acknowledged how serious quinn had been in class lately, that his tendency to be a goofball had been less prominent in recent classes, and dubbed him the resident smile-bringer of the dojo.

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goofball time is built in, even during belt tests- here the kids are showing off their balance at the very end, wearing their new belts.

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now that he is a purple belt, he is in the advanced class, and quinn has been dying to get into that class for one single reason: they get to run for warm-ups! boy after my own heart, with ribs and gangly limbs poking out every which way just like 8 year old me.

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we had a fun play date with friends, and got to play with a cool snap-together building toy called lux blox. quinn took his new bunny loop skills on the road and helped with tying his four-year-old buddy’s shoes. (awwwwwww.) we puppy-sat for our ruby again (she was helping him learn more computer programming skills) and also had doggy friends of our housemate to play with this month.

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we launched our winter break with a friendly game of uno between the three of us, and ruby helped. my sweet 8 year old boy in a 45 year old’s body (who was 8 when he watched the original star wars on the big screen) took us out on a family date to watch the force awakens. no spoilers here, don’t worry. but oh, the fun! we sure liked it. what i personally liked most were the quirky quinn-isms that were whispered into my ear: “ok mama, the weapon is fully charged. i counted 30 seconds.”

equally as awesome, i walked into his bedroom that afternoon on him trying to use the force. he wasn’t even remotely deterred by my presence, and kept right on trying, commenting on how he was trying to figure out if the force was really real.

i told him i was sure of it.

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quintuple sharp tusk; woolly mammoth-inspired pokemon attack powers

while making his dad’s pokemon cards for christmas, we hit a snag because the marker he needed for the background color (“brown sugar” is what he calls it) was drying up, and we didn’t have another one. nor did the store, though they had a close enough for mama color. it was not close enough for quinn. it took him a while, and a lot of trying to get the dried marker to work before he relented, but relent he finally did. then he told me, “it must be a miracle, because my instincts kicked in just in time and i was okay with using the other marker.”

between newfound flexibility and actually finding the christmas tree stand in the storage garage, we most definitely received our quota of christmas miracles.

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from the light(hearted) side of the force, always, mb

digging deeply

i have been digging deeply in the past few weeks, looking ahead to the upcoming season in quinn’s educational journey (as well as my own) and trying to weave together a plan to meet all of our needs (for education, community, income to cover our bills, food, airfare to new york next spring). i think i have finally dug enough space in which to step back from the layers so i can try to absorb and synthesize what i have unearthed.

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topsoil: on the surface of my life right now, there is much that is working, and yet there are pieces that are not sustainable. such as being broke in spite of having three jobs and still somehow lacking time. i love the basic set up of being mama every day and seeing to my occupations without having to outsource child care, but the particulars of my schedule/commute/income could use some tweaking. i am doing several jobs, but unable to put my all into any one of them, i am not doing any one of them exceptionally well. turning in this most recent batch of compost, i am seeing lots of good results- some scraps turning to fertile “gold” but other pockets of stuff are not breaking down the way i might have hoped. so i have been spending some time analyzing what might be needed: maybe more oxygen, water, or a richer c:n ratio? these amendments may take the form of taking leave from yoga teaching; maybe consolidating hours for nannying to open up some days for other pursuits; i am thinking outside the box in terms of quinn’s education and where his and my paths may be able to overlap- consolidating the time we get to spend together, maximizing my involvement in his education, reducing the amount of commuting /expenses; and ultimately maximizing the amount of time i spend running my home and tending my garden.

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also observable on the surface: grant-funded science jobs are at an extremely low ebb, and even if my heart was really still in it, i do not foresee a science job coming along for a few years. more acquaintances have been let go this funding cycle, a year since my own job ended, and hardly any positions have opened up, especially locally, where i plan to stay rooted. in addition, my nanny gig is going fine, but will not last forever, as one of my babies will go to preschool at some point, and the other moves away this fall.

subsoil: after five full years living in this community, i think i have a feel for how we fit in. now it is a matter of adjusting our situation so we are in the healthiest balance. less striving, more thriving.

our little homeschool group is planning to merge with the big local homeschool group. our small group made no secret of the fact that most of the members were christian families, however, maybe because we have become very good friends, they look past our lack of affiliation with their religion, and treat us like any other home educating family. in the big group, however, religious affiliation has traditionally been more of a thing. i have been game to try, hoping that my closer friends might form a buffer until the rest of the group gets to know us and lets go of whatever fears they may have about us eating their children’s souls. my name came up as a potential teacher for their fall biology co-op class but they are worried i might not be the best fit. (they think their kids will riot on hearing the e word, though i hadn’t even threatened to mention it; i think it would pale in comparison to the volcanic eruption they’d elicit from quinn if they told him the earth is only a few thousand years old and that dinosaur fossils were put in the ground by god to test his faith in the bible.) this doesn’t turn me off from the group, but it does give me one more reason to re-evaluate what  would be best for quinn’s education.

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since i’m in manifesting-our-reality mode, i am reviewing my wish list for quinn’s education, checking it twice as it were, and if i could have everything i wanted for quinn’s educational experience, the truth is that christian homeschool group lacks some of the important things on the list. it’s definitely a place to find community and to teach quinn how to get along in a group; but my priorities are heavy on non-violent communication, collaborative problem-solving, and choice-driven learning. i would like to enrich our education where connection is valued above obedience, where spirituality is encouraged but not mandated. i will always hang with my christian peeps (god bless ‘em!), this is just about finding the best path to the education that’s right for our family. my sister-pals, who sometimes read my blog, have already heard me musing about all of this over hot pickle jars and they know our friendship goes waaaayyy beyond how we school our kids. for that matter, they know me well enough to probably have seen this coming before i did!

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another layer in the subsoil concerns a belief i internalized at some point during my life that i am not a teacher. in direct challenge to that belief: being requested to teach for homeschool co-op, teaching my beginning yoga class every tuesday, and a recent job posting that an acquaintance forwarded to me because of my science background and “because you’re such a kid person!” applying to be an after-school program director forced me to look back over my resume through the childcare/education lens and notice the way teaching has been woven through my entire career. i have not walked a direct path towards becoming a teacher, but there it is in bullet points: after school program, babysitting/nannying, teaching kids environmental science on historic schooners, guiding numerous interns through their first ever research experiences, heck i even handheld more than a handful of berkeley graduate students in wildlife ecology through the laboratory genetics component of their phd projects… the list goes on. i am trying to admit to myself that, in fact, i do teach.

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my 3 letters of recommendation were all glowing reviews of what a great leader/teacher/kid person i am- i am apparently the only one surprised. it was an ego boost and a reality check for me. the universe seems to be conspiring to help me convince myself, turning it into less of a mystery to solve, and more of a process of simply opening my eyes to what is in front of me.

still, something about working for the public school system, while paying for my son to go to school somewhere else would go completely against what i think would make sense for us as a family, given my stated goals of being there for quinn’s education and being around for more of his upbringing than not (we already have the reality of splitting time with coparent, so in order to make the most of the time i have, school time becomes precious time). i did not get an interview for that job, but hypothetically trying on the idea of working long hours (9-6) in “the system” and being away from Quinn’s education almost entirely, so that I could afford tuition to send him where our hearts feel most aligned, was valuable.

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bedrock: clunk. yet another chance to re-examine my core values, goals and dreams and hopes for our family, my career, and quinn’s education; my heart is rooted in my role as mama/home educator. i no longer see myself as primarily a biologist, but as primarily a nurturer and facilitator of lifelong learning. i want to unschool/homeschool, but i never set out to do that all by myself in a vacuum. i want quinn to be part of a living, breathing, thriving group of learners. i think the newer realization is that i myself want to be part of that thriving organism.

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i know i am not alone: a mama wanting to design the next phase of her life around her son’s upbringing and education, and  trying to figure out the best way to lay those foundations under my castles in the air.

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fossilized dino doo-doo: deposited alongside the bedrock, i find pockets of darker stuff that i am dislodging by doing all this digging, and they are not necessarily pretty. i have had some work to do in removing some of these bits of fossilized dino doo-doo (one of quinn’s new favorite sayings, thanks to the summer library program puppet show). in getting them out of the way, i can open up to the best solutions for this next season of our lives. i realized i had a bit of a chip on my shoulder resulting from a combination of the ugly past year or so with coparent (accusations and dhs involvement in our lives) and then the stuff with quinn leaving school last fall. i could pinpoint a moment that kept returning to mind, that happened during the meeting i had with quinn’s teacher about the problems at school. i concluded for a while that the moment bothered me because i was receiving pity instead of compassion for what our family was going through. the thing is, i can easily see now that while i did experience it as pity, her intention was more likely to show empathy, and i have a choice how i receive a message like that anyway, regardless of the speaker’s intention. for a time, it meant that some of the potential solutions for this next season were blocked off, because i assumed there was no way i would be wanted at a school when i have had so many “issues”. this pity party has taken me months to work through, but i am being compassionate with myself about that- to quote what she said in the first place, “i know a lot of families that are going through a lot of things, so i can say objectively that your family is going through a lot of things.” it really is no wonder that i projected pity- i was overwhelmed by the junk that was going on in my life,  and for a while i had to table the processing of it just to proceed with accomplishing daily tasks. you know, like having dhs hanging around as i was about to embark on a career of child-related enterprises: cloth diapering, yoga teaching, nannying.

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there is yet more fossilized dino doo-doo to deal with, as i can sense that i carry quite a bit of dread concerning how to negotiate the upcoming school year(s) with coparent. i am putting my pickax to work and hope to chip away at whatever is holding up progress in that department… soon.

nuggets unearthed… all this excavation has uncovered some goodies. among them,  open doors that i didn’t notice before, growing trust in myself, inner knowledge that i am a teacher after all, and maybe most saliently, a more refined awareness of my goals. they don’t include a lengthy publication list in scientific journals, a phd, or even a very large income. they include time and space, room in my world to educate my child and also weed my garden and make a nice dinner for my honey; a comfort zone financially, without feeling fatigued. i am called to see to my child’s education and upbringing, before any other career i might choose to pursue.

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detachment (in which the metaphor breaks down but i still have more to say)

there are likely a million different ways and time frames to arrive at the goals i have articulated, and although i have a zygote of an idea, i am also open to trusting the universe to open up ways i haven’t thought of, as it usually does.  this idea has to do with becoming a working part of quinn’s school, the one i believe in, the one where his teacher has the same values i do. though i am hopeful, i am trying not to be too attached to one particular outcome. my current zygote of an idea is also open to taking different forms, depending on how much support Quinn needs, or doesn’t, at school, how many days it works for him to be at school this coming year, how much i can contribute to the school, and at what rate OLS is ready to expand.

impermanence: to everything there is a season. i am also trying to be mindful that i am only really going to need to make a plan for the next season of life, not for the next 20 years. i will not know what next year is going to hold in store for us until next year comes along, so while i may have lots of ideas and goals, i know better than to think i have all the information i am going to eventually be working with.

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now:

being in my brain, mostly in the future, has been all-consuming and not necessarily health-promoting, and now my task is to get back to the present moment. enjoying summer that is now here in earnest on the coast: watching damp, sand-encrusted little boys frolick on the beach, eating hot dogs and sauerkraut for dinner, helping quinn set up his tent to camp out in our back yard, canning all manner of peach-related condiments, repressing my urge to plan and schedule quinn’s long list of unfinished projects into completion in the next 2 weeks, and instead letting him spend entire half hours in plow position on the bed, humming star wars theme music and being elsewhere in his mind, no doubt coming up with a dozen more projects to begin.

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