Tag Archives: intention

~thankful thursday~ entish

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Quinn and I have reached the chapters in The Two Towers about the Ents (Shepherds of the Forest). I am grateful for the Ents, for Tolkien, for beautiful descriptive literature that whisks us off to places alive with memory, where we are nourished with lush greenery, replenished from our weariness with a long drink of restorative running water. Treebeard shares with the hobbits how the Ents famously do not say anything in their language unless it is worth taking a long time to say. I would like to be more like the Ents, whether the topic is antibody testing, homework resistance, or a friend’s profound grief. I also think the Ents have something to teach me about listening, long and patiently. I am grateful that some of my slow words come through how I intended, though I am still much too hasty and imprecise, and sometimes my lack of words may be taken to mean I don’t care. This could not be farther from the truth about me.

be the rainbow

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2017 is a going to be a big year for us, no two ways about it. i don’t feel the same usual timid anticipation of the unknown to come, because there are already some big plans laid out for this year. standing here on the threshold, it’s more like a certainty cutting through the fog of my winter brain, that this is just bound to be a big one.

i was having trouble articulating actual intentions for the year, but then i realized that in 2017 i will watch my son turn 10 (!); turn 39 myself; and get married!!! and then i cut myself some slack, because that is enough for one year! if i can pull off those three feats with some small measure of grace, it will be an accomplishment.

throughout the transition to the new year, i have been contemplating spiral symbolism (wearing spirals, as i always do, sorting through seashells and fossils in spiral formation, etc.) and reaffirming that every day (not just january first) is an opportunity to begin again. and every hour, every minute within each day, can be a new beginning. the choice to start fresh at any time is so freeing, and empowers me to make life what i want it to be.

last year my intentions were minimal, and i checked most of the items off of that modest list (live music, a doctor visit, new glasses, consistent self care practices) and this year i am just going to reaffirm that self care remains high on my agenda, which enables me to care for my guys in the best way i can.

i watched a clip of maya angelou singing and sharing a spiritual about the rainbow, and encouraging people to be a rainbow in somebody’s cloud. i think i’m adopting that as part of my intention for this year. it’s just vague enough to exert low pressure but be highly inspiring, especially since i tend to be a rainbow (my current theme song when driving alone in my car is “she’s a rainbow” by the rolling stones) every chance i get by default anyway.

in an effort to gain some clarity or insight or inspiration on 2017 intentions, i drew some nature cards from my two inspirational decks (i’ve written about these cards before here, here , here and here where you can also find links to the artists.) the cards all made me chuckle and nod, for each of the three of us, as usual. but none so much as the very first one. “just think about the rainbow” it said, encouraging me to recognize the magic in each moment, each day.

 

educational priorities ~ a mamafesto

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custody mediation is a roller coaster ride. focusing on one of the peaks of the experience, i had the opportunity to spend time writing up my priorities for quinn’s education, and i find that i continue to think about it and tweak it even though the decision has been made and quinn is, for reals, going to attend our living school (insert excited jumping up and down mama emoticon). i am glad to have had the motivation to articulate these thoughts that represent many years of contemplation, research and reflection. when i shared my list with my mom, she expressed that as a former public school teacher, this is what she and every other teacher she knew would want for children, if only they could accomplish it in that setting. to say the least, a grammy emoticon is also jumping up and down in excitement about her grandson attending our living school. and it got me thinking that i should post my educational priority manifesto publicly, and hope that in some small way, via ripple effect it influences someone in some way until someday our public schools provide this kind of educational experience for our children. feel free to distribute wildly. this thing is so going to go viral and change the world. ;))

My priorities as Quinn’s mama for his educational experience focus on surrounding him with nurturing environments and people and preserving his love of learning. While I do not distinguish between learning and the rest of life, as I believe the two are inextricably linked, I will do my best to list my priorities for how I believe Quinn can best be supported so that he may thrive as a life long learner. I believe this will be achieved by prioritizing:

1. Safety- A learning environment where physical safety is a no-brainer. First aid, booster seats, sunscreen, and other reasonable precautions are all taken as a matter of course, and all caretakers are attuned to his (and all childrens’) safety as the utmost priority.

2. Connection Between Student and Teacher- A bond between student and teacher that ensures priority #1 through open communication and positive regard of one another. Quinn’s teacher is someone he knows he can confide in immediately if he ever felt unsafe, and count on to immediately provide safety. In addition to how connection enhances safety, it also promotes an enriching educational experience, because of the comfort in which he can learn. From connection flows the sense of nurturing, unconditional positive regard, and feeling of equal dignity that all humans deserve and require in order to do their best learning.

3. Connection Between Teacher and Parents- Rapport among teachers, student and parents will allow for real, tangible assessments based on the individual student. Teacher observations are translated to parents in detail through open channels of communication. Daily experiences, triumphs and disappointments that Quinn has, rather than letter grades and test scores, (or worse: diagnoses and labels) are emphasized. Connection allows for his strengths and areas needing extra support to be known to all involved, because his teacher is attuned to his unique learning styles and pays attention to his experiences. Parental involvement at school is frequent and meaningful.

4. Sense of Belonging- Quinn feels ownership of his school as a place that is Home to him, with a positive sense of caring for his fellow students, who in turn care for him as part of their community. Values are instilled by the teacher towards this end, and extend outward to include his greater community, in which his school is an active participant.

5. Whole-Child Approach- A worldview that sees children as intact beings who are destined to grow into their innate competence (given their basic needs are provided for), as well as prosocial beings whose desire by default is to cooperate, belong, and get along. This can be expressed as giving kids the benefit of the doubt in their intentions and abilities. The opposing worldview is one in which children are deficient and need to be filled up with knowledge and morals through a hierarchical framework that places them below their teachers and other adults, and re-shaped into good human beings, and must prove through standardized testing that they have reached competence.

6. Emergent/Constructivist Curriculum- Choice is very important to a successful education. Quinn is able to learn what he is drawn to, with teacher guidance to help him create meaning for himself about what he learns. He is able to approach each component of academics as he is ready for and drawn to it, in a way that he can absorb it efficiently because it’s meaningful to him. He has the freedom to opt in or out of lessons he feels compelled or uncompelled by, and there is plenty of enriching material for him to engage in and be challenged by. Further, the lessons offered are set at a level that is most likely to compel him, given that they are based on his/the student body’s emerging interests/intrigues/questions/thoughts/votes. He sets his own balance of autonomous learning time to cooperative group learning time. Extending this to middle and high school years, Quinn’s preparation for his life/career goals (college, trades, conservatory, world travel or whatever they may be) is in his own hands and he is confident in his ability to craft his own educational curriculum, one that will land him squarely where he desires to be, wearing a set of wings to take him far beyond.

7. A Yes Environment- Opportunities, space and materials are available to him whenever he takes initiative to express and explore. When he reveals an interest, the tools and materials he needs to follow that thread appear in a timely manner so he can continue and take it as far as he wants, until he is satiated. If he is engrossed in dinosaurs today… books and activities show up in following days based on that theme and are strewn in his path for him to gobble up. His teacher’s role is to observe what is sparking his interest and tend the flame- requiring an individualized approach, attentive observation, and one-on-one time with each student. In turn, this requires small class size and ability to steer curriculum to tailor to the students at hand. Also required are outlets for fine art, drama, choral/instrumental music, dance, creative writing, world culture, cooking, sports, etc. (When I refer to a Yes Environment, this is one of the things I find it hard to extract from Life and label it School: Many of the interests Quinn will develop will be honed at home, e.g. woodworking with dada or sewing with mama, and at private (dance/music/art/sports) lessons or through outside-of-school classes, so I apply this concept to Life in General as well as educational goals.) Again, extending to his life goals beyond K-12, Quinn is encouraged and supported in his goals and help is always available to guide him in the right direction to meet them.

8. Developing His Own Internal Moral Compass- Rather than responding to external triggers like “do I get a sticker for sharing,” or “do I lose a sticker if I talk in the line,” Quinn gets to grapple with right and wrong based on his own inner knowing, as he practices and calibrates his internal compass. He receives lots of guidance and suggestions to help him navigate territory that is new for him, but never force, coercion or bribery, rewards or punishments.

9. Steering Clear of Rewards/Punishments With Respect to Learning- Rewards and punishments are avoided in order to protect his intrinsic motivation to learn. His desire to learn comes from within, and that is honored in a way that maintains its integrity within rather than pulling it outside of him and replacing it with an external stimulus. My belief is that rewards and punishments backfire in the longer term when used as extrinsic motivators for learning academic subjects.

10. Play- Time and space to be a kid, with both structured and unstructured time to play. Play is of extreme importance to learning, and again, not separate from learning. Play is learning.

11. Academics, while held at high priority, do not eclipse other important lessons. Some of the lessons/skills I value most, in no particular order, are:
social/emotional skills
healthy bodies
mindfulness practices
self esteem
compassion
writing
good relationships
empathy
communication
movement
sustainability
arts
reading
conflict resolution
scientific reasoning
practical life skills (everything from gardening to making things to voting)
being a citizen in a democracy
critical thinking
math
social justice
music
community-mindedness

12. Age integration- Kids who are older to look up to, admire, imitate, (who have skills he has yet to acquire), and kids who are younger, to keep things infused with imagination and wonder. involvement of people of all ages from the surrounding community, because the real world is a place where people of all ages interact, to everyone’s great good fortune.

It is my belief that by prioritizing these values and qualities in Quinn’s education, Quinn will be set up to lead a fulfilling life. He will know himself well, never having been divorced from his own internal motivators, conscience, or self-knowledge. He will have confidence that he can achieve whatever he sets out to do, and will have obtained skills and knowledge that are required for that journey. He will know what it is like to be surrounded by supportive, encouraging people, and will recognize them in society.  he will be attracted to workplaces with similar atmospheres and friendships featuring positive regard and nurturing. He will be unwilling to tolerate injustice because of his intimate experience of participating in a compassionate, justice-promoting community. He will know how to be respectful as well as to live in a way that inspires respect. He will know how to be flexible, how to think critically and creatively, and how to navigate real world situations because the real world is the place he will always have dwelled. He will be fully competent in making choices, as choice has been a key component of his entire educational experience- he will know that life is made up of choices, and he will be empowered to make them, to lead where others might defer to someone else, or wallow in indecisiveness and let decisions be made by default rather than empowerment. These approaches to Quinn’s education will produce a strong, capable, caring, well-rounded, enthusiastic, empowered, joyful human being.

66% quality of life improvement

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actually i have no idea how to quantify it, but there is some wonderful change-for-the-better in the works in coparenting land. as mentioned, there have been quite a few changes lately in our lives, and lately the daily transition times (change is our theme!) have been a bit more bumpy. since quinn was around 2, we have had multiple transitions a day between mama and dada. starting out, we had mama droppping off on work days, then stopping in to nurse down for naptime, then picking up at 5pm, 5 days a week, and a sunday evening drop off and pick up for dada time. we reduced my work schedule to four ten hour days a week when quinn was around 3, and sometime after that my presence at lunch/naptime was no longer needed. still, right up until this week there were transitions twice a day, six days a week. lately, wherever quinn is, or whoever he is with, is where/whom he doesn’t want to leave, and there has been a lot of resistance and some rugged, drawn out, pick ups and drop offs.

we’ve also been talking about re-initiating more overnights with dada. we did have a once-every-other-week thing going for a while, but that waned to nearly zero since my ten day research trip in june. summer is like that, it gets hectic. so overnights work into the new plan as well.

i was hesitant to introduce more change at this time, but i think it actually amounts to greater stability for quinn and in the bigger picture, results in less change to deal with on a daily basis. since it seems he has been experiencing the daily change as upheaval to some extent, this seems like a good time to alleviate some of that.

so, we just went from twelve transitions a week…. to FOUR. (66% higher quality of life, shazam!) quinn will have 2 overnights per week with dada, and we’ve scootched his normal evening times with dada (on some of mama’s non-work days) over to the days he’s already with dada. so he will have longer continuous stretches with both of us, without changing how much waking time he has already been spending apiece. he’ll now have two stretches with each of us per week, rather than two per day. and i will only have to see coparent 4 times in a week, and if you’ve been following along, you probably understand that that is a happy thing for me.

not least of the benefits, is that i will have one night a week now (thursday) where i have alone time when there are things i can participate in as if i have a social life. things like yoga class, music jam at the barn, and i think there might even be a tai chi class on thursdays, something i’ve been wanting to check out. my evenings alone up until now have been wednesday and sunday, which for whatever reason, happen to both be nights when all the sidewalks are rolled up in newport. not that thursday has some amazing rocking scene going on, but at least there’s yoga.

i find it interesting to note the feedback i’ve received on our new schedule. most of it is congratulatory, of course, but so many responses seem to fall into either the “tripping on the past” or “future tripping” categories. i have been feeling so “in the flow” and frankly, brilliant, coming up with this schedule that keeps so much the same for quinn yet is fundamentally better for all involved. and hearing things about how it would have been great if i’d come up with it sooner, or hopes that i’ve covered with coparent that it’s not just for while he has a girlfriend, and other sorts of what-if future scenarios, is sort of a bummer. when i analyze it for myself, it is happening at just the right time and season of our lives. yes, it’s true, this does simplify coparent’s life in a way that might grant him longer chunks of quality time with gf, but i think he’s pretty clear that i’m trying to simplify my own and quinn’s life as my main motivating factors. and if gf time is one of coparent’s motivating factors, then, well, that makes sense. but he has also expressed feeling bad that i have to do all the driving (wanting to reduce that burden) and also has quinn’s best interest at heart. he can see the struggle it has been for quinn, and quinn’s parents, at all the pick ups and drop offs, and he can see how this is going to relieve so much of that. and as for “why didn’t i think of this sooner?” up until this age, i’ve felt pretty strongly that seeing both of his parents on most days was highly beneficial for 2 and 3 year old quinn, in developing his attachment relationships with each of us. now that he is four and a half, he has a little more of a grasp of the days of the week and also a firmly established trust in the fact that mama always comes back, and that he will see dada again very soon. this is the right time, but not before. (for us. with all of this, i would never want anyone else to think they should be doing coparenting the way we are, if it doesn’t feel right… wee disclaimer there.)

i said in that recent coparenting post that we are writing our own manual… to be sure, standard “dissolution with children” legal scenarios offer guidelines for how to adjust parenting time schedules as the child reaches certain ages and milestones, so i’m not completely reinventing the wheel here. i appreciate our way, because we are able to lovingly personalize it to quinn’s unique timing and personality and milestones, rather than a format prepared by legal minds based on average families. and the fact that we are able to cooperatively come up with win-win solutions between two people between whom “it didn’t go so well” (as my therapist would say with a wry smirk) and leave all the legal adversarial stuff out of it, is where i think we’re deviating from the norm and forging ahead through uncharted territory.

coparenting plus

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we’ve entered a new phase of life. dada has a girlfriend.

i don’t know where to begin and how much is too much. this is the internet and all. but i feel the need to continue to let my thoughts flow out of me where i can see them and know they are not scary or dangerous or even, really, real.

actually, i think “it’s all good” might be close to the truth. in spite of the fact that there have been a series of occurrences in the past week that have essentially taken my breath away, and nearly took some lives in the process, i think everyone is coming through this. (the lives of his new girlfriend’s dad, and my own dad, have both been in serious danger in the past week, but everyone seems to be coming through relatively unscathed. in addition, gf’s situation is eerily close to home for me, mirroring what i experienced 3 years ago leaving an abusive relationship in an uncanny way. also, i have heard some acknowledgements from coparent towards me this past week that i had let go of ever expecting to hear. also, apparently i am feeling very, very lonely. and also a bit unnerved by the realization that i stubbornly wasn’t going to “go first” and wasn’t admitting that to myself until now. also, migraines are so not fun.)

i like her. for the record, i really truly do find a lot to like about this woman, and her family, several of whom i am already friends with (her dad being one of them, and i sure am happy he came through heart surgery and i will get to play creedence and johnny cash songs with him again.) her two kids are sweet.

i wish them bliss. i really do. it might seem too early to say something like that, but i see something there, and nothing is ever sure, but i see something. a good something.

there have been some awkward moments, i’m not going to lie. i am getting some great opportunities to make sure i am speaking up with my needs and quinn’s needs, and i think i am rising to that occasion.

i love her intentions for how we are going to get along. they seem to really match my own intentions. i am impressed by coparent’s intentions for prioritizing coparenting over everything else. i want this to be good. and they really seem to agree. by good i mean, we aren’t doing this the way it’s been done before. we are writing a new manual for the way we are choosing to coparent.

 

 

mothering in public

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for the kickoff of the 2011 farmer’s market season, we had a very good day of sales, and a perhaps slightly less than stellar day of parenting in the public eye. oh yeah, i remember now. this 5-hour window each saturday is the most time i ever spend doing my mama thing right out in the open for all to see.

juggling and jigsaw puzzles. how much can YOU fit in a neon?

for those who haven’t known me as long, i’ve been bringing my son to the newport farmer’s market as a vendor for the past 2 years, and this is the start of our third. each age and stage has had its joys and challenges with making this work. it’s hard enough to be a solo vendor, but to be a solo parent at the same time is often completely unmanageable. i was not born an aries for nothing, though, and i stubbornly keep trying. in general, it has been more rewarding than i can even say to be a part of the market community, and to have quinn experience a snippet of what it would be like to be raised in the proverbial “village”. some days i think people walk by and take notes on how well i juggle all of the competing balls in the air, and other days i see their looks of pity and would rather go crawl behind a rugosa rosebush and disappear.

apparently, pisces can be stubborn as well! word to the wise. before long, mama was threatening, quinn was threatening back, tantrums were had, cupcakes were deprived. it was not a pretty scene.  for the past two summers’ worth of markets, i have relied on activities, books, and snacks to keep quinn occupied, though not in a coercive way, yet i somehow felt myself wanting to withhold the goods for what he was “putting me through”. activity-wise, whatever i was doing seemed to be the targeted thing he needed to do (or interfere with). nothing i brought was of interest until a friend came over and played in his tent with him for a brief time, before they came to blows. and now that he is an old pro and knows what snacks can be obtained at the market, he is angling for them this way and that. in between setting up and interacting with customers, i was trying to explain the intricacies of gratitude and manners to him, and entice him with a hard boiled egg or a piece of homemade pizza i had brought from home. my strategies and snacks need an upgrade.

the asparagus fast is over! at last!

i’m gentle with myself as i notice my conscious incompetence at mothering at this new juncture (i refer back to this mama-om post regularly and one of the plethora of useful nuggets held within it is the circle of competence she explains so well!) and that’s good and helps me know this is on its way to resolution. i am motivated to become more competent, more unconditional, in this stage/age/right now time. coercion and threats feel gross. i felt desperate, and that too felt yucky. my feelings and needs (desperately needing cooperation) made sense, just as quinn’s feelings and needs (powerlessness, a need for self identity, control, and autonomy) made total sense. i’m looking for the win-win. and i’m one of those mamas, yes i am, who doesn’t really believe anything is impossible. yep, i can do it all! and i have, and i do! (just sometimes without any grace whatsoever!)

he made a few dollars off me later at home, selling me leek starts from under the drying-out canopy 🙂

some of my ideas, in no particular order, for making market a win-win situation for both of us (and here is where you come in: ideas for the next 25 weeks of saturdays would be much appreciated!):

1. bigger, better breakfast. one roll with peanut butter and jam was not enough- he could have used some scrambled eggs or oatmeal along with a glass of milk, in addition to the roll. that way he is protein-packed by the time he gets all starry eyed by the sweets our neighbor sells and can’t be bothered with healthy snacks. the rapidly approaching berry season should help as well, he can usually be enticed with a berry snack, which, while still loading him full of natural fructose, does not tend to mutilate his personality to quite the same extent. let’s also note that mama could have used a more nourishing breakfast too! market is a workout! (favorite protein-packed breakfast ideas?)

2. connection. connection. more connection. more than anything else as a parent, i want to connect! later on, i could easily identify what needs of his were not being met (as well as those of mine that weren’t being met) and i know in my heart that when i can validate and empathize in the moment, and take the time that it takes…. it gets us all to a better place much more efficiently.

3. grander projects… on the connection theme, i would like to bring along something that quinn can be doing that is awesomely exciting and engaging. he doesn’t want to color in a coloring book when all kinds of stuff is happening all around! while on one hand, preparing for this is yet another ball for me to juggle, i think this could be a good investment of my time, if it works out to make our saturdays smoother. i noticed that at the beginning, when he had a task he felt responsible for (attaching the weights to our canopy with bungee cords- he loves those things), he was super awesome and engaged, while if i was distracted and he wasn’t engaged with a task, he needed to be in my face, creating angst. i think he is interested in learning more about currency and trade and so i may try to work on that theme, and will also need other things to fill the 5 hours. (any ideas here appreciated.)

4. it takes a village. at the end of the day, our friend sarah reminded us that quinn is always welcome to come and visit her at her booth, she has a whole pack of toys and fruit ninja on her iphone that she generously shares with all the kids. mama can ask for help. (deep exhale. indeed, there was lots of village support surrounding me in the form of sympathetic looks and words to mama, helpful reinforcing of my requests of quinn-our neighbor with the sweets reminded quinn that she wants to hear him speaking kindly to his mama, etc. how nice to be known, embraced, upheld, when the going gets tough. (she even asked me afterwards if she had overstepped- so rare and appreciated!)

5. i’ve also asked, and dada has offered to trade some saturday morning time for some sunday evening time, some weeks. maybe it is a bit of an overload for quinn. as much as he adores market, i wonder if maybe the expectations of him (to cooperate, be respectful, stay put, be gentle, say excuse me, speak at a reasonable volume, etc.) are just simply too high for where he currently is developmentally. perhaps coming less often, or for only part of the morning would be a good balance. though i would love to work our way back to the mostly harmonious duo we have been for the past two summers. he’s my market sidekick.

i know that there are others of you out there who do all of this and furthermore look beautiful doing it, so i offer up my embarrassingly awful mother’s day eve calamity and ask for wisdom… because here in blogland, too, the village is everything.

hippie glop gourmet ~ soup stock from veggie scraps

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you won’t catch me posting complex recipes or really pretty pictures of daintily garnished food much around here, because in the kitchen, i am a pragmatic kinda gal. often quinn and i catch meals in a fairly haphazard manner, frequently in the car on the way to our next activity, so we often eat easily transportable things- made as some form of pizza or sandwich or wrap, or in a bowl in a format a friend of mine once dubbed “hippie glop”. so my angle on the food subject, i’ve decided, is just that: the hippie glop gourmet. the focus is more on self-sufficiency, waste reduction and saving energy. while i may at some point post on using csa veggies creatively this is motivated again from the waste reduction standpoint, and you will have to look elsewhere for the skinny on how to make it all taste good! i think i am adequate as a cook, but what i think i have to offer on the topic is having put a lot of thought into the sustainability basics. some things i might cover:

eating organic affordably- tips on how to make it as economically feasible as conventional foods

self-sufficiency and where things come from- ever wonder where people got things like yeast and fruit pectin before they came in a package?

ways to reduce waste in the kitchen, such as today’s post on making soup stock from scraps

maybe i will think of others as time goes on… it may be something that only gets roughly biannual mention, as there are so many other topics of interest, but i would be leaving something out if i didn’t at least give a few of these ideas a brief shout out.

i’m posting these things, assuming you’re already hip to having a home compost bin as a way of reducing your kitchen waste output. lately though, as i’ve been thinking a lot on permaculture and self sufficiency, i realize that i want to go sustainable 2.0. i have thought of sustainability at times as a question of whether the earth can handle this particular choice, and if so, i decide it’s sustainable. certainly the earth seems to have no trouble handling my dinner scraps, so i feel it is a sustainable choice to compost any food waste that comes along. yet, when i compost food that countless people have labored to grow and that i have labored to prepare, and also labored to provide money to pay for the electricity that keeps the refrigerator running to keep the food cold, or to heat the stove to make the food warm, it starts to feel completely unsustainable to ever waste a drop of food, after all. composting theoretically puts the nutrients back into our food, if we use the compost in our gardens, and our gardens are growing food crops that we are actually eating. still, there is energy wasted by bringing that food to the table and letting it go back into the nutrient cycle uneaten. my poor kiddo knows that there is one single thing i am neurotic about, and this is it: waste. i like to put a more positive spin on it these days and focus on abundance rather than waste-avoidance, but practically speaking we are talking about the same actions.

half of the biomass to the compost bin?

this is not at all my own original idea, i heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend, who probably learned it from a depression-era survivor grandparent. in fact, i would bet my own grandmother did this. when i cut up fresh onions, celery, carrots, and any fresh herbs (parsley, basil, oregano, etc.) i put the bits and pieces that we don’t want to eat into a container that i keep in the door of my freezer for easy access. this includes carrot heels (not the green tops but the ends of the root itself), carrot peels (when i bother to peel them), celery tops and the bigger too-stringy ends, onion stem and root ends and that first layer of onion that is somewhat peel-ish but more onion than peel, and stems of herbs that have plenty of flavor but are, well, stems. with the onions, i am not super careful to remove all the skin, though i let the outer layer go to compost if there is any funk whatsoever. i do not include anything that is moldy, rotten or otherwise inedible. i do, however, continue to use this method with storage onions throughout the winter.

when my container is full, i dump it into a stock pot, cover with water, and simmer it for a while to make stock. here is where someone with more flair in the kitchen would probably add things, like salt or other herbs, or some extra celery to balance out the mix. i am pretty much “whatever” with that, and the flavor does vary from batch to batch in our case. it also varies nicely when i dump these scraps on top of the organic chicken carcass to make the stock instead of using new carrots and onions that would then just be strained out when the stock was finished (yum! we only eat one or two of those per year but the stock is the best part!). (in keeping with the theme of waste not- i am a stickler for using every part of an animal we harvest for food!)

finally, depending on the time of year, i either can the extra stock in canning jars, using the pressure canner according to up-to-date canning literature, or i fill containers to freeze. in the summer, i don’t have room to spare in the freezer, while in the winter, i don’t want to bother canning and have spaces to fill in the freezer to keep it running efficiently. in winter time i won’t even use the electric stove for this task at all, i’ll just simmer on the top of our woodstove. i store larger quantities for soups but smaller containers also come in handy just to add a little flavor or juice to a stir fry or a batch of beans. i could see freezng it in ice cube trays, if you like having tiny amounts of veggie stock available.

oh and one more thing- after i’ve simmered the heck out of the stuff, strained out the good brown liquid, and stored it away, then and only then do i compost the scraps!

what’s your geekiest waste-saving strategy in the kitchen? (feel free to use horrible run-on sentences in the comments, i’ve set the standard.) 😉

surrender

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we interrupt your regularly scheduled ~this moment~ because i can’t narrow it down to one picture and today, i’ve got words. 🙂

one of the things that has come home to me from various angles lately is a need in myself for surrender. it was a topic that stuck out to me in caroline myss’s book anatomy of the spirit where she discussed how the healing work of certain chakras is about surrendering to a higher power. letting go and trusting in a higher power was always a big topic in 12 step circles, and my days spent in al-anon are always going to be powerful influences for me, even though i am not currently engaged in the program. it was one gateway that led me back to focusing on healing myself, rather than continuing to deplete my energy railing against a situation i had no control over. in yoga classes i have absorbed the idea of finding the balance point between strength and surrender in each pose, and as with everything, learning this in my body has really helped me apply the concept in other areas of my life, moreso than learning the concept, you know, conceptually.

i think i somehow confused this form of surrender with the other version: the one with the waving white flag. the one that is more like succumb than surrender. subsiding, slumping, succumbing to an inevitable fate, total loss of control, being taken over by the surrounding chaos.  to me, surrender is more of a realization of where myself ends and the rest of the universe begins. a realization of what i can do, a full embracing of doing those things, and a step back from the illusion of control over those other things.


right now, in this moment, i feel as though i am approaching that balance point and starting to understand surrender. i have done a lot of struggling with control, and my relationship with trying to obtain or maintain control. i never understood “letting go” and letting a higher power do things for me, i sort of had a fuzzy understanding that letting go doesn’t mean “do no more leg work”, but that didn’t get me to the point of grasping what it does mean. i still do the leg work. and i still make choices and discern which way to go, based on all the available information. then…

it’s the “then” part i am only just beginning to get. my “equilibrium” state used to be to do leg work, then continue to clench and feel stress and try to hold up the world with the tendons in my neck straining for all they’re worth, on high alert anticipating there being more i need to do, feeling twisted and wrung out by every piece of unsolicited advice and “should” and “have to” that comes my way… but now i do all the leg work and then… i rest. i have done what i could, and now i can be with what is. this is what is. it’s not perfect, it’s not a finished product, it’s just the here and now and the flow. it’s where i’ve arrived, based on where i’ve been and how far i’ve come. there’s no more to do, there is just “be”.

even as i feel i am grasping this concept, it is like water slipping through my fingers to try to articulate. in my tangible world right now, things are changing moment to moment, and each moment has high stress potential. coparent has been irrational and verbally caustic towards me, while remaining a devoted dada to quinn, and the reality of sharing parenting can feel like a cage. a sentence. a collar around my neck that i want to bite and scratch at, in order to get free of it. very difficult decisions are in front of me, some situations that are seemingly impossible to resolve, and the decisions evolve or evaporate or pop up suddenly, with contradicting input coming from every side. well-meaning advice and input can have the effect of adding to the tumult rather than comforting, if i am not centered to begin with, and able to deflect what i don’t need, match up what feels consistent with my beliefs, and keep walking with the knowledge that i’ve got this. if i didn’t know myself very well, i could easily have been swept away or engulfed by all this. and i’ve been, at other times, not very acquainted with myself at all. i’m so grateful that is no longer the case!

it would be easy for someone to succumb in the face of this stuff, rather than surrender. at the end of the day, i cannot get away from what is. i’ll be sharing parenting, and there’s no way around that. i do have all kinds of freedom though. lots and lots and lots of choice, an infinite amount really. it doesn’t mean things will go “my way” and it doesn’t free me of having to deal with a person i find to be very trying. but i can walk through it with integrity, then look back and see myself for who i am, and drink in the truth that everything i need, i have.

surrender is not giving in, and losing oneself. it’s the opposite. it’s being filled right up to the brim.

what’s your take on what it means to surrender?

~dwell~ interdependence

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oh life, what a funny dance. you may have noticed a certain lack of ~dwell~ posts, the ones i did post having been dedicated to the idea of dwelling in the intention of researching (and ending up on) a live aboard boat. i did a fair amount of leg work researching the idea, including consulting the seasoned liveaboard mama cindy at zach aboard, checking listings, researching docking expenses, walking said docks looking for our new home. on the homefront, i commenced an organization/cleaning/downsizing effort that has had delightful results, including that we like our living space more and more, the deeper i delve in this endeavor. the whole exercise has ultimately helped me shape the ideas of what i do (and don’t) want in a living space.

it turns out, a boat isn’t going to work so well for us at this point in our lives. i’m not only ok with that, i’m thrilled at all the extra “work” i’ve gotten done as a result of dwelling in that space of really overturning each stone of that idea~inspiration~thing as it emerged.

i’ve mentioned during the course of the dwell series, that i have my longer term sights set on permaculture. the whole package, not just the kickin’ gardening. the closing of so many leaky cycles, which goes so much deeper than just growing food. the more i get to know myself, the less i can abide waste and chronic excess, and while i’ve been pretty true to those beliefs (and truer all the time) i know that i am not going to rest until i am fully immersed in a life where there are no more blatant geysers of waste pouring forth simply due to the fact of my mere existence. this isn’t everyone’s calling, i want to be clear here. it’s something that is true for me though, and the voice telling me so gets louder all the time.

as for dwelling in those intentions (the permaculture ones), i surprised myself a little and reached out to get to know a woman who said the p word at a local foods meeting quinn and i recently attended. actually i emailed her out of the blue, after said meeting, because she mentioned that she has a weekly open-food-forest-demo site at her property. the best part is that she warmly welcomed quinn, assuring me in her response to my email that her gardening adventures have always included children. i just get the sense that this woman has so much goodness that i can’t help but want to be around her, and she seems very motivated to share her knowledge freely. we showed up yesterday in a rain/wind storm to her house, and immediately got down to work digging potatoes from what looked to be a small, unassuming mound of weeds from last season that some wild strawberry plants were enjoying growing on. 50 potatoes later, i was sold- new method of growing potatoes- check!

there was so much more… quinn’s “best part” (a game we often play as we talk over how our day went) was “drinking water! and playing on the big blue ball!” because after we washed potatoes in rainwater collected by her wheelbarrow, toured the backyard compost scene (trench composting… again, i’m sold. no plastic!) and planted some new onion starts in one of the raised beds, she welcomed us into her beautiful home to show us exactly how to prepare some of our potatoes (which she generously gave us to bring home, along with a few “extra” onion starts that somehow i suspect she could have found room for…) one thing led to another, she offered quinn water to drink, and soon she and quinn were discussing center of gravity as he attempted balancing on her yoga ball. (he kept saying “it’s inside the ball! my center of  gravity is inside the ball!”)

and can i just rave about soil for a moment? the bed we planted the onions in was a bed she started right on top of the grass turf that was there, in place, when she moved in (not that long ago). and it was drop dead gorgeous soil. absolutely teeming with worms, and you could literally sink your arm down into it without need for a tool. it was just. so. fertile-fluffy-nice-even-in-a-rainstorm. sheet mulching, baby. i tucked away a few tips for getting started and again, i’m sold.

but back on the reaching out to new people thing- i am keenly feeling my singleness these days, and my vulnerability. downsizing our belongings and reorganizing our household has had me contemplating my driving forces. why is it that i am suddenly really interested in living without furniture? i know that a portion of that drive is a desire to be completely self sufficient. while self sufficiency is a worthy goal from many angles, that is perhaps not the ideal angle… it’s okay to ask a friend to lift the other end of your futon when you need to move it. or so i am trying to convince myself… i haven’t had a backyard furniture bonfire. yet….

so, interdependence. i am trying to find the balance between complete and total i-am-an-island independence, and codependence (tried that out for a while and it’s really not for me!) and slowly, slowly, slowly realizing that there is a healthy middle ground. i’m still looking for it, but hey, at least i’m paying attention to that intention. dwelling in it, shall we say?

our host yesterday noted that part of the permaculture dance involves rethinking the concepts of boundaries and fencelines. she told me how she has had to navigate a tricky relationship with a neighbor whose dryer exhaust was killing her blueberry bushes. i believe she used the lovely wording “cultivating relationships.” let’s just say that it was a bit more than a composting and gardening lesson…

~dwell~

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what a whirlwind week! i have been insanely busy with my job, and we have been sidetracked by a week long gift of nice weather… and so not having much to report on a project seems well justified. i did finish touring the two marinas in town looking for boats. the cloud nine II looked “affordable”. a dream boat from an earlier era. listing to both port and starboard (i know that sounds impossible, but trust me) and slumping slowly into the sea. nautical compost heap.

live aboard? not so much. i doubt the rats even want to, at this point…

i have other places upriver to check out… and of course, further reflecting to do on space and timing and choices.

“r” is for reflection… can you see his capital r (which according to him is for pirates)? arrr.

i’ve been plowing through a book that mama-om recommended (anatomy of the spirit by caroline myss) and though i am still reflecting on that as well, i imagine i will post more on that topic of storing emotions in my body. it’s pretty amazing how many things are jumping off the page at me. i am realizing that a lot of my storage of stuff has to do with the need for self expression, the ability to bring my creative self to life, space to speak my truth, that sort of thing. it’s an area where i’ve learned to just clench my jaw tighter rather than spit out what i need to say. or accommodate the storyline of those around me, rather than make room for my storyline to unfold. so now i’m unlearning that (unschooling is for big people, too) and starting to listen for my voice among the rest of the chatter.  i think this blog is really a good, good thing for me, that it’s so important for me to come here, because it’s for me, even if i don’t say much of anything at all to you, it’s the intention of it that matters.

since we’re dwelling on our intentions here and all…

i can’t believe how much courage it takes just to live our lives and be ourselves. know what i’m saying?