Tag Archives: learning

educational priorities ~ a mamafesto

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custody mediation is a roller coaster ride. focusing on one of the peaks of the experience, i had the opportunity to spend time writing up my priorities for quinn’s education, and i find that i continue to think about it and tweak it even though the decision has been made and quinn is, for reals, going to attend our living school (insert excited jumping up and down mama emoticon). i am glad to have had the motivation to articulate these thoughts that represent many years of contemplation, research and reflection. when i shared my list with my mom, she expressed that as a former public school teacher, this is what she and every other teacher she knew would want for children, if only they could accomplish it in that setting. to say the least, a grammy emoticon is also jumping up and down in excitement about her grandson attending our living school. and it got me thinking that i should post my educational priority manifesto publicly, and hope that in some small way, via ripple effect it influences someone in some way until someday our public schools provide this kind of educational experience for our children. feel free to distribute wildly. this thing is so going to go viral and change the world. ;))

My priorities as Quinn’s mama for his educational experience focus on surrounding him with nurturing environments and people and preserving his love of learning. While I do not distinguish between learning and the rest of life, as I believe the two are inextricably linked, I will do my best to list my priorities for how I believe Quinn can best be supported so that he may thrive as a life long learner. I believe this will be achieved by prioritizing:

1. Safety- A learning environment where physical safety is a no-brainer. First aid, booster seats, sunscreen, and other reasonable precautions are all taken as a matter of course, and all caretakers are attuned to his (and all childrens’) safety as the utmost priority.

2. Connection Between Student and Teacher- A bond between student and teacher that ensures priority #1 through open communication and positive regard of one another. Quinn’s teacher is someone he knows he can confide in immediately if he ever felt unsafe, and count on to immediately provide safety. In addition to how connection enhances safety, it also promotes an enriching educational experience, because of the comfort in which he can learn. From connection flows the sense of nurturing, unconditional positive regard, and feeling of equal dignity that all humans deserve and require in order to do their best learning.

3. Connection Between Teacher and Parents- Rapport among teachers, student and parents will allow for real, tangible assessments based on the individual student. Teacher observations are translated to parents in detail through open channels of communication. Daily experiences, triumphs and disappointments that Quinn has, rather than letter grades and test scores, (or worse: diagnoses and labels) are emphasized. Connection allows for his strengths and areas needing extra support to be known to all involved, because his teacher is attuned to his unique learning styles and pays attention to his experiences. Parental involvement at school is frequent and meaningful.

4. Sense of Belonging- Quinn feels ownership of his school as a place that is Home to him, with a positive sense of caring for his fellow students, who in turn care for him as part of their community. Values are instilled by the teacher towards this end, and extend outward to include his greater community, in which his school is an active participant.

5. Whole-Child Approach- A worldview that sees children as intact beings who are destined to grow into their innate competence (given their basic needs are provided for), as well as prosocial beings whose desire by default is to cooperate, belong, and get along. This can be expressed as giving kids the benefit of the doubt in their intentions and abilities. The opposing worldview is one in which children are deficient and need to be filled up with knowledge and morals through a hierarchical framework that places them below their teachers and other adults, and re-shaped into good human beings, and must prove through standardized testing that they have reached competence.

6. Emergent/Constructivist Curriculum- Choice is very important to a successful education. Quinn is able to learn what he is drawn to, with teacher guidance to help him create meaning for himself about what he learns. He is able to approach each component of academics as he is ready for and drawn to it, in a way that he can absorb it efficiently because it’s meaningful to him. He has the freedom to opt in or out of lessons he feels compelled or uncompelled by, and there is plenty of enriching material for him to engage in and be challenged by. Further, the lessons offered are set at a level that is most likely to compel him, given that they are based on his/the student body’s emerging interests/intrigues/questions/thoughts/votes. He sets his own balance of autonomous learning time to cooperative group learning time. Extending this to middle and high school years, Quinn’s preparation for his life/career goals (college, trades, conservatory, world travel or whatever they may be) is in his own hands and he is confident in his ability to craft his own educational curriculum, one that will land him squarely where he desires to be, wearing a set of wings to take him far beyond.

7. A Yes Environment- Opportunities, space and materials are available to him whenever he takes initiative to express and explore. When he reveals an interest, the tools and materials he needs to follow that thread appear in a timely manner so he can continue and take it as far as he wants, until he is satiated. If he is engrossed in dinosaurs today… books and activities show up in following days based on that theme and are strewn in his path for him to gobble up. His teacher’s role is to observe what is sparking his interest and tend the flame- requiring an individualized approach, attentive observation, and one-on-one time with each student. In turn, this requires small class size and ability to steer curriculum to tailor to the students at hand. Also required are outlets for fine art, drama, choral/instrumental music, dance, creative writing, world culture, cooking, sports, etc. (When I refer to a Yes Environment, this is one of the things I find it hard to extract from Life and label it School: Many of the interests Quinn will develop will be honed at home, e.g. woodworking with dada or sewing with mama, and at private (dance/music/art/sports) lessons or through outside-of-school classes, so I apply this concept to Life in General as well as educational goals.) Again, extending to his life goals beyond K-12, Quinn is encouraged and supported in his goals and help is always available to guide him in the right direction to meet them.

8. Developing His Own Internal Moral Compass- Rather than responding to external triggers like “do I get a sticker for sharing,” or “do I lose a sticker if I talk in the line,” Quinn gets to grapple with right and wrong based on his own inner knowing, as he practices and calibrates his internal compass. He receives lots of guidance and suggestions to help him navigate territory that is new for him, but never force, coercion or bribery, rewards or punishments.

9. Steering Clear of Rewards/Punishments With Respect to Learning- Rewards and punishments are avoided in order to protect his intrinsic motivation to learn. His desire to learn comes from within, and that is honored in a way that maintains its integrity within rather than pulling it outside of him and replacing it with an external stimulus. My belief is that rewards and punishments backfire in the longer term when used as extrinsic motivators for learning academic subjects.

10. Play- Time and space to be a kid, with both structured and unstructured time to play. Play is of extreme importance to learning, and again, not separate from learning. Play is learning.

11. Academics, while held at high priority, do not eclipse other important lessons. Some of the lessons/skills I value most, in no particular order, are:
social/emotional skills
healthy bodies
mindfulness practices
self esteem
compassion
writing
good relationships
empathy
communication
movement
sustainability
arts
reading
conflict resolution
scientific reasoning
practical life skills (everything from gardening to making things to voting)
being a citizen in a democracy
critical thinking
math
social justice
music
community-mindedness

12. Age integration- Kids who are older to look up to, admire, imitate, (who have skills he has yet to acquire), and kids who are younger, to keep things infused with imagination and wonder. involvement of people of all ages from the surrounding community, because the real world is a place where people of all ages interact, to everyone’s great good fortune.

It is my belief that by prioritizing these values and qualities in Quinn’s education, Quinn will be set up to lead a fulfilling life. He will know himself well, never having been divorced from his own internal motivators, conscience, or self-knowledge. He will have confidence that he can achieve whatever he sets out to do, and will have obtained skills and knowledge that are required for that journey. He will know what it is like to be surrounded by supportive, encouraging people, and will recognize them in society.  he will be attracted to workplaces with similar atmospheres and friendships featuring positive regard and nurturing. He will be unwilling to tolerate injustice because of his intimate experience of participating in a compassionate, justice-promoting community. He will know how to be respectful as well as to live in a way that inspires respect. He will know how to be flexible, how to think critically and creatively, and how to navigate real world situations because the real world is the place he will always have dwelled. He will be fully competent in making choices, as choice has been a key component of his entire educational experience- he will know that life is made up of choices, and he will be empowered to make them, to lead where others might defer to someone else, or wallow in indecisiveness and let decisions be made by default rather than empowerment. These approaches to Quinn’s education will produce a strong, capable, caring, well-rounded, enthusiastic, empowered, joyful human being.

~a month (or two) of unschool~ expedition to the east pole

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i took last month off from posting, since quinn and i lost 3 whole weeks together. but i looked back and there were still a few gems from last month, so today i’m posting our last two months of unschooling.

~we’ve been learning a lot about how families come in all different shapes and sizes. and that families grow in all kinds of new ways and we count ourselves lucky for all that entails. all that matters is love, and being together.~

~we are still big on dinosaurs, drawing, and uno. we did some gardening in between winter storms~

~quinn turned five! and used the opportunity to work on his letters and drawing and coloring skills. he learned about the concept of plays/theater by hearing a sparkle story about martin and sylvia putting on a play, and by attending a play that rich starred in, called woman who fell from the sky (it’s an iroquois creation story, and was beautifully done! and young children were spellbound and only had brief blips of trying to interact with the actors on stage;)). the martin and sylvia story had them traveling to the south pole with roald amundson’s expedition (he was my great great aunt’s boyfriend, if family legend is to be believed.) quinn’s version was also a polar expedition, but his was to the east pole. i participated as the sled dog, and i am withholding the embarrassing image of myself wearing a kitty headband since i am in charge around this here blog. we built a shelter in the kitchen, transformed a yoga mat and booster seat into a dog sled, donned stylish explorer costumes, and stuck our pirate flag into the snow at the east pole when we arrived.~

~buttoning his own shirt and choosing his own outfit (awesomely rad, too bad about the photo quality) for attending the play as my “date”. checking out the paper-scultped masks from the play after the show, including his favorite, the dragon. reading, being, taking care of kitty, drawing in chalk, and getting to do “guy” stuff with rich.~

~learned all about track meets. exclaimed “make a loud sound like a cannonball!” and ran himself around imaginary tracks in the grass. cheered on his new buddy e while she ran.~

~finished reading the princess bride, read a huge book about dinosaurs several times, began reading the lion, the witch and the wardrobe. animal sticker book from my friend liz absorbed him for hours on end. found all the hidden dragons in a new dragon book. became a t.rex in the snow. found a newt that survived our crazy oregon coast “blizzard.” made and played with playdough.~

~made blueberry pancakes a few times, and in general helped mama cook whenever he felt the desire. helped mama garden whenever he felt the urge. planned out his own little garden plot, which will contain sunflowers, peas, and not surprisingly, dinosaur kale. read his baby scrapbook after asking me to tell him the story of “myself from when i was a baby to when i turned one year old.” drew, lived, breathed dinosaurs.~

~other fun stuff: he is learning about giving hints, and becoming more subtle with the hints he gives when he is leading a guessing game.

~sarcasm: in the store, i showed him a fabulous dinosaur raincoat on sale, and he told me with perfect deadpan, “i guess i could get used to that.” later he giggled as he told rich, “i was just joking with her!”

~surprises: and how not to give them away. sort of.

~plays: while he was putting on the east pole expedition performance, he kept declaring that he was “playing a game” and that we could use such and such for “the game” and i finally realized he was confusing “game” with “play”. makes total sense, given how much fun he was having doing it!

~practice/discipline: a topic that ebbs and flows for quinn, he has been cycling through another round of wanting to already know how to draw things, and has been asking me to draw things for him a lot, rather than attempt it, if he is afraid it won’t turn out well. so we are working on practice, and repetition, and being ok with not getting it right the first time, while i’ve also been doing a lot of drawings according to his direction that he has been coloring in with the most thorough attention to detail. he seems to feel incredibly secure in his ability to color (vs. draw) right now, although he is less confident in rich’s coloring abilities, which he likened to those of his two year old friend hope. (is learning how to insult people considered a life skill? ;)) to be fair, i don’t think he meant it as an insult, i think he just sees everyone he knows on a sort of coloring continuum, and maybe rich just needs to practice more…

radical potty unschooling

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unschooling at its core is the recognition that learning happens through living- all the time, everywhere.

i’ve heard unschooling explained by some who describe the way a child learns to walk, and how a child doesn’t ever really need a lesson in walking- it just happens. a child can’t help but learn to walk, given a body that is physically intact. the desire is certainly intact. it’s a train you would be hard put to stop, if you tried! i don’t think the learning-to-walk example is the best explanatory analogy for unschooling, most importantly because many mainstream parents actually do put effort into teaching their kids to walk, and therefore they may not be aware that this is a natural skill that kids don’t need to be taught. i do, however, value what happened for us as quinn learned to walk, because it taught me so much and was a lesson i have been able to apply elsewhere in our unschooling journey. quinn has a particular way of acquiring many of his life skills that is so inherent to his personality and nature. the way he learned to walk exemplifies it, and i’ve seen him repeat the pattern numerous times now. when he decided, at 15.5 months (late! by conventional standards), that he was ready to walk, he got up one day and took- not one- but ten steps. then got up again and took seventeen more. without falling! he is a guy who observes, observes, observes…. waits…. observes some more… and then when he is sure, he goes for it.

as i’ve been learning right along with him (i don’t ever pretend to be the learned one teaching him, just his partner in learning together!) i’ve been thankful to be able to see this part of his learning personality, since it makes it so easy to have a deep faith in his inherent ability to pick things up without me needing to contrive anything. sure, i’ve had the usual helping of doubts and concerns (like “omg! maybe i wore him too much in the sling and deformed him so he can’t walk!” and the like) but i’m pretty mindful to ignore most of that and just enjoy the ride.

with the potty topic, i have had another considerable helping of worries, but again, i’ve been confident all along that this is another skill that every child cannot help but pick up. kids (and all of us) have innate sociality. (thank you jean liedloff! rest in peace…) they want to do what their fellow humans are doing! it can be really hard to maintain the “trusting in it” attitude, when everyone else’s kids seem to be potty trained long before your own, and yet, i’ve watched friends one by one, complain of “regressing” potty learners, and wondered if maybe children get rushed into this stuff.

another facet of this particular topic for us, is that during quinn’s short 4 months in daycare, i learned that the childrens’ bodily functions were treated as “yucky,” a term quinn had never even heard before he went there, and that their diaper changes happened with latex gloved hands. i truly believe this harmed my child. sensitive guy that he is, i believe he internalized a message about his poop and pee that they were somehow not okay, and i have been doing my damnedest ever since to convince him they are in fact good and right and it’s great to poop and awesome to pee! we have talked about it a lot, and struggled through many resistant diaper changes (which i came to think of as outward manifestations of his inner struggle about bodily functions) and for the past several months he has had a pretty positive attitude about peeing and pooping in his diaper, and has been really helpful with getting them changed (whereas a few months before we were having a really hard time!) and the dialogue towards learning to pee and poop in the potty has been ongoing.

still, it was hard not to rush it- seeing his readiness to talk about it, though, was just an early sign. he needed more time to try on the idea. i did what felt right to me: nothing. i waited. i trusted.

and about two weeks ago, he decided to stop wearing diapers, and using the potty consistently.

100% consistently.

he’s not trained, he’s radical.

on being born

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quotes from my three-and-a-half year old (he just celebrated his half birthday!) on babies, and the way they are born….

5-25-10

“now i’m big. i used to be a little guy/little baby, but then i got bigger, and now i’m big!” around this time he was playing a game with the “cast tummy” (my belly cast). he would make me put it on, and put his doll inside the tummy, and then he would tell me all sorts of stories about the baby hatching out of the tummy/coming out of here (the top of the cast- chest area)/ staying inside to grow bigger and bigger… he’d tell me big doll is “baby quinn” and then when big doll comes out, he has milk right away. well, of course. luckily the cast includes the “milks.” haha.

one of my favorites is his idea of a baby hatching out of a tummy- i haven’t actively told him what really happens. mostly because he is being so creative about it that i want to keep letting him have that blank slate. partly too, i think he is still young enough and uninhibited enough that i wouldn’t want to obliterate any true memory he actually has of his own birth. if it is possible, i would love to learn more about it directly from him… this next quote makes me think it might have something to do with his actual experience of birth.

inside his "egg" ready to hatch

“i was a baby and i was in the water. there was a whole line of a lot of babies in the water. then the one baby, me, started to push down and the water flipped upside down.”

8-25-10

“no! don’t get me out! you have to wait for me to come out all by myself.”

8-25-10 (immediately following the preceding quote, this one took place as Q was reenacting birth from my lap through the window of my car into dada’s waiting arms.)

life

the comment about needing to wait had us chuckling. he did indeed need us to wait for him to be born in his own time… 20 days after he was due. the comment about the water flipping upside down blows me away.

with all of his recent philosophizing about birth, he has also begun to grapple with the concept of death. he has seen a few dead animals, a bird, a mouse that my cat killed. one morning this week he brought a mouse to me- just picked it up by the tail and said, “look mama, i found a mouse that died!” !!! i did well suppressing the momentary alarm i felt. 🙂 we had a little ceremony as we “buried” it in the compost bin, wishing it a safe journey back to its mouse people. quinn pondered what we could do to help it “feel better” and thought maybe it would need some food. he chose a mint leaf to give to the mouse. again, i felt silence was the way to go, rather than impose on him the finality of death. i did talk to him about the mouse’s spirit going on a journey, now that it was no longer in its body. he replied that he thought this mouse would “grow a new spirit”. how awesome…  i think he will grasp all of this life-death stuff gradually on his own if he doesn’t already.

another similar story involving a little dead bird we encountered in a field while we were hiking, and he talked for days and days about it. he made an elaborate story about how if he found another dead baby bird, that he would like to get it, so he could open up a door in his tummy (there is a key to open it), and put the baby bird inside to “feel it better.” furthermore, he would keep it inside his tummy when it was cold, but take the key and open up the door in his tummy when it was a warm day, so the baby bird could come outside.

but then, death and birth are so entwined. maybe he is more right than i know.

mama bird protecting his baby quail eggs